Jersey Shore
Free Vinny

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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A Swarm of Bitches

That night, Deena decides to dress up for her date in angel wings. Ummmm, okay. Jionni arrives with roses for Snooki. Did someone threaten to knock out a kneecap after he departed Florence if he didn't shape up? Because he is suddenly nice now that Snooki's back Stateside. Not that I want him to go back to the verbally abuse prick he was last season, but it's confusing, no? Then again, I guess if you're as controlling as he (clearly) is, then having the object of your scrutiny within a drive will calm you down. That and the regular sex. Which they have in the 15 minutes before everyone's supposed to go out.

Deena's date arrives, as does Paula. When Sitch gripes that he misses Vinny, Paula even offers to be his wingman. I can't tell if that's really cool of her or if she's just lobbying to be the new spokes model for low self-esteem. Then again, she regularly bangs Sitch, so I guess she's already got that deal in the bag. The gang gets ready to head to Bamboo, and Snooki decides to stay in with Jionni -- so worn out are they from all the smushing.

Everyone arrives at the club and before anyone has a chance to blink, Sammi is rolling around on the ground with another girl in a proper chick fight. Bouncers pry them apart and toss Sammi to the curb. She tells Ronnie that the bitch yanked her hair and threw her drink. Sammi was "taught to self-defend [her]self" and will not stand for someone tugging on her weave. Thus the effective end of couples' night. They head home where Sammi declares, "It was me against the world! And I still held onto my clutch!" Well thank God for that!

Back home, Paula is DTF, so Sitch gets to spraying his junk. Because when I'm going down on a guy, I definitely want the taste of Axe Body Spray in my mouth. Downstairs, Deena does her own mating call, asking Joey, "Do you want to see me fly?" He doesn't register a response either way before she takes a belly flop into the bean bag. So sexy. Whatever, Joey is also DTF (or get as close to the Golden Ticket as Deena will let him). Alas, their cuca courtship is repeatedly interrupted by a persistent alarm clock. Poor Deena, she really is hopeless!

Apparently this show has taken to throwing random bonus footage. Tonight: Snooki lies on her bed, her bikini top untied, screaming about stomach pains and claiming she's having a heart attack. Everyone hears her, but no one is listening. If anything, they are amused by her suffering. Which must really help her sleep at night.

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Jersey Shore

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