Jersey Shore

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
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Ryder on the Storm

Previously: Ding dong, the bitch is gone! And that damn letter. The letter that would never die.

The sun rises on a new day in Miami. A day that somehow seems better than all those before it. Pauly notes the weight off of everyone's shoulders since Angelina and her stank vibes departed. He and The Situation immediately setting about removing her grubby, menstruation-stained mattress from the room, spraying down the space she tainted, and generally throwing her shit all over the city. A car alarm is set off in the midst of their shoe-throwing frenzy. But it's a small price (for someone else) to pay because free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, they are free at least!

That evening, they bring home lobsters for the celebration meal. Snooki and JWOWW decide to go all Edward Furlong on Sitch's ass and liberate one of the lobsters from its cruel demise. Except the shenanigans that follow probably only prolong the poor crustacean's agony, since they fill up a bowl that is not quite big enough full of fresh water. Vinny and Pauly quickly note that lobsters live in salt water, and thus their "humane" rescue was actually more fatal than anything the guys had in mind for "Charlie." That's his name. Because when I look at a lobster, I think "Charlie."

The gang sits down for what Vinny calls their "first real family dinner," including two stuffed animals that Snooki and JWOWW have randomly brought into the mix. They pop open the bubbly, and Sitch pours some out for Angelina. Sammi confessionalizes that she doesn't want to "be up Ron's ass all the time" (ew), which means she's all alone in the house now that Angelina's gone. The guys take a purifying dip in the Jacuzzi, and Snooki and JWOWW discuss whether they can open their hearts up to Sammi again. Snooki wants to squash their problem, but JWOWW still feels the sting of the note's aftermath.

Snooki decides to do some groundwork for the reconciliation, but Sammi is super-cagey and requests that they go out of the bedroom so that JWOWW won't be part of the discussion. They head into the living room, and Snooki apologizes for the note. Sammi says she only wants to be friends with Snooki because she has issues with JWOWW beyond the note. Mind you, JWOWW is walking through the kitchen five feet away while they're discussing this. She's not even trying to hide. My point? Sammi is an idiot. So JWOWW plops down on the couch, and the conversation goes silent. Cut to outside, where the guys are happily hooting and hollering. It's the exact inverse of that awesome juxtaposition from the first episode. Except this time Sammi's picking up where Angelina left off -- and being typically yellow-bellied about it. The silence carries on for many minutes. It's a guidette stand-off!

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Jersey Shore

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