Jersey Shore
Going To Italia

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Festa è Qui! (That's Italian for "Party's Here!")

Over on Long Island, JWOWW and her boobies take their passport photos so they can cross international waters. As for the WOWW herself, she is looking like some Mila Kunis in Black Swan up in here. Eat a chicken parm, girl! She reports that she is still with Roger and doesn't anticipate she'll find any 6'4" tattooed juiceheads to scratch her itch over in Italy.

Then come Ronnie and Sammi, which we'll dispense of as quickly as possible. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, folks... ripping off a Band-Aid. Ronnie's machismo buddies urge him not to cry. Sammi and her family make lots of metaphors about being "on top." Scene.

The guys and the girls have separate gatherings where they learn how to interact with the natives. Lessons learned at Deena's house: Snooki has too many bags. Lesson learned at Vinny's house (by way of Google translate): DTF in Italian is "Giù a scopare." But the most important lesson of all from Vinny's family: "Lift their arms. If they got hair, you're good to go."

So the kids make their way to the airport, Crococdilly and all. Both camps hope to make it to Florence first so they can claim the best bedrooms. Because alcune cose non cambiano mai (translation: some things never change). Sweet baby Gesù, I love Google Translate. And how do you say "Blast in a glass"? Esplosione in un bicchiere! The various groups travel through Madrid (boys) and "Does-uhl-dorf" (girls) until the ladies arrive in Milan. Alas, it's not their final destination. Other trials that await them? The search for pesos (good luck with that!), JWOWW's exploding bronzer, and the frantic run for the bus, in which Deena falls on her ass. Deena posits, "I wonder if the boys are going to have this much problems."

Cut to the guys arriving home-free in Florence. Thus is born La Situazione. Vinny says, "It's the most beautiful country I've ever seen." Which, no offense to Italy (because it's crazy-beautiful), begs the question: Which countries have you seen? Regardless, they eventually arrive at their new home. The guys, including Sitch in his head-to-toe white track suit (what?!) race up the two flights to their apartment, where they find an in-house Jacuzzi, among other things. Vinny and Pauly, as well as Sitch and Ronnie, immediately pair off and leave the remaining space for the ladies.

Then Vinny finds the bidet. He half-jokingly predicts, "On a lonely night..."

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Jersey Shore

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