Jersey Shore
Going To Italia

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Festa è Qui! (That's Italian for "Party's Here!")

The girls finally arrive in Florence, totter up the stairs in their mega-heels, and give the boys big hugs. Cue requisite awkwardness from SamRo 2.0 in which Sammi insists, "Ronnie looks good." (In what universe?) Then the guys are forced to care the girls' bags full of spray tan up the marble stairs. The final room draw is afoot, and Deena agrees to room with Pauly and Vinny. She says that she used to favor Ronnie's type, but now she's all about the Lean Mean Delvecchio Machine. She wonders if they can be smush buddies, or as the Italians call it amici con benefici.

With that, Pauly pours out the first Limoncello shots (by which I mean entire cups of Limoncello), and the gang get ready to go out for the night (notte). While the ladies sit in awe of JWOWW's 700cc implants, Pauly learns the limits of his voltage converter. Soon enough, it's shot time again. Also known as the "Ronnie Sits on Side Tables and Breaks Them" hour.

Eventually, the gang heads out. If they don't go to Space Electronica, then that ridiculous trip I took to Florence when I was a teenager will be for naught. Sadly, they start off incredibly slowly, regarding local churches (as you do in Europe) and marveling at the nearby "Ferris wheel" (what you and I would call a carousel).

They decide to take un pisolino piccola discoteca (a little disco nap) before heading out to da club. During which time Deena breaks it to Sitch that Snooki is in a relationship. Word spreads like wildfire that Sitch wants to get it in with Snooki, which I would imagine is of particular concern to her Yeti boots. Yetis and forest fires don't mix, y'all.

As everyone else sits around and shoots the bull, Ronnie drinks all by his lonesome. Even Snooki, remember she of the DWB (Drunk While Boardwalking), last season is all, "That's pathetic." The girls are convinced that SamRo 2.0 will get back together. Snooki goes so far as to ask, "What if he asked you on, like, a romantic date." Sammi seriously doubts Ronnie's capacity for romance. On cue, he makes a fart sound using his hand and his mouth.

The next day (no club, boooooo!), Pauly wakes up everyone in his typical obnoxious way... only this time with more props! Vuvuzela, you've been replaced! The kids immediately realize they have no effing idea how to get around or communicate with the natives. As such, they decide to wing it. And the only people who can be their fearless leaders in the process (because they can operate a manual transmission)? Snooki and Pauly. Lord help us all. Even JWOWW is concerned. The housemates separate up by sex into their cars -- which are only slightly larger than Smart Cars and equally hilarious -- and, as you might expect, it's a comedy of errors. As someone who was recently in Spain, all I can say is, "Good luck, schmoes."

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Jersey Shore

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