Jersey Shore

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Hook-Ups & Beat Downs

Everyone heads out, where Angelina meets up with Jose so she can "steer clear of the drama." I suspect that would have been easier if she went to a different club. Come the eff on, woman. Across the club somewhere, Sitch cannot help but court the attention of several ladies, even though he's basically on a date -- albeit as low-rent of a date as I ever saw. Perhaps it's some sort of a test because when Sitch's bitch almost issues a beat-down on the other tricks for trying to take her mans, she seals her place in the CSR. For that night, at least. Sitch even brags to the house mates about her ballsy behavior. What's the Canadian guidette equivalent of chivalry?

Some time later, the gang heads back to the house. As Vinny explains, "Mike brought the Canadian back, eh, and he wanted to show the Canadian what The Situation was all aboot." It's worth mentioning that all of this is happening to the rousing tune of Menya's "D.T.F." Yes, this is a real song. What heights we've risen to as a culture! They head into the CSR. Out in the kitchen, the guys laugh as they open a package of Nutella and realize it's made in Canada. Vinny calls to the other room in an effort to inform Sitch's trick of this coincidence, but she can't hear a damn thing because she is wailing like a banshee. She is a full-on screamer. At which point the Canadian anthem begins playing in the background. Angelina incredulously asks, "And I'm the whore?" As if how loud you fuck has anything to do with your personal level of skank. Vinny thinks Sitch has found his future wife because she's the only person as crazy as him. All the while, Sammi is actively shushing people to get an earful, Angelina's friend is retching, and Jose is laughing that "she's a nice slut." For the grand finale, we hear the Maple Missus moaning, "Oh God," and interview footage of Sitch -- with a Canadian flag behind him -- declaring, "I love Canada!"

A bit later, Angelina inexplicably invites Jose into The Situation's bed for their hook-up. What is wrong with her? She actually has to fight him for it, eventually winning on the ground that Sitch will be in the CSR all night. Lest you think Angelina might ever be right about anything, Sitch and the bitch finish their bidness, and he heads back into his room for a little post-coital nap. Oh, but there's Angelina! And he can't even sleep in the used tampon bed because Angelina's friend is there. To her credit, she earned it by having to listen to Angelina and Jose hook up all night. Sitch is pretty irritated that Angelina didn't even bother asking if she could borrow his bed, but he's mellow enough not to pick an early morning fight about it since he just ejaculated.

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Jersey Shore

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