Jersey Shore

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Hook-Ups & Beat Downs

The next morning, we're treated to a vignette of Pauly walking around the house and waking up the whole gang with a voice like an air horn. We've had many such vignettes featuring il mio cuore Pauly D. He seems to be the most good-humored and level-headed kid in the house in many ways. Also? Motorcycle-proof!

And then it's time for some GTL. On the way, the guys notice that the car reeks something fierce. After some digging, they discover a many-days-old grilled cheese sandwich under the floor mat. Says Sitch, "Angelina probably left the Swiss cheese in the car because we all know that rats love cheese."

Back at the house, Angelina pushes JWOWW to tell her the latest round of trash-talking about. JWOWW asks if she's going to leave, weirdly wondering why she might want to leave. The question, dear JWOWW, is why would she not want to leave. I suppose the grim reality of having to pay for Valtrex on the outside might keep her around a little longer. JWOWW says Angelina, who is now crying (again), is not listening to anyone advice and is basically a ticking time bomb.

Gelato shop. Snooki shares with Enzo the checklist of all the traits in her ideal Guido juicehead. She mourns that she's the same position as she was last summer. Enzo, though, is not entirely amused and sends her outside to mop the patio. She attempts it for about five seconds before leaving.

At home, JWOWW has a tearful goodbye with Tom, then Snooki returns with her list:

- Tan Guido Juicehead Gorilla
- Big sense of humor
- Likes to party
- Fist pumps
- Frolics
- Isn't a jerk-off
- A dork at heart
- Smells good
- Pays for meals
- Nympho
- Likes pickles
- Takes an interest in my hobbies
- Is very protective
- Not so serious
- Romantical
- Likes to sleep in

JWOWW and Snooki makes it their personal mission to visit everywhere in Miami and find a man who fulfills all these requirements. Well, Snickers, I know several places on South Beach where you can find men who like to frolic, but somehow I don't think you're they're type.

The guys come home post-GTL. JWOWW and Snooki spread the word Angelina is considering leaving, and the house mates can barely contain their various stages of delight and/or apathy. Things are eerily peaceful in the house until Angelina makes a point of mopily walking through the middle of all of them and to the bathroom in the hopes that they take the bait. Of course they do, with JWOWW jumping first and asking if she's okay. She interviews that the main reason she doesn't want to leave is because she thinks it will mean that she let these a-holes win. Sitch engages her and asks her what she's going to do. He's actually just asking her about da club that night, I think, but she makes it some big, obscure metaphor for her place in the house. The guys wonder what the Hell kind of cryptic bull she's spewing, so she answers even more cryptically, "I'm gonna figure out what I wanna do, and I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do." Yeah, I think this just went from cryptic to inarticulate.

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Jersey Shore

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