Next morning. Quack phone. Mike answers. It's Paula. She says that Whitney told her they talked, and he said all good things. He looks relieved, and says it's very hard to say anything bad about her. He gets off the phone, and considers that a success. Deena wakes up and hugs Ron. She says she was drunk and he's like her brother. No big.
MVP hits the boardwalk, then heads to a diner. Vinny's like, "I don't think you can grind on chicks when you have a girlfriend." Mike's like, "I know. I just found that out." I almost believe him. Then he spots Pauly's stalker from last season. Dude. So disturbing. Pauly says he can't look at her, or she'll be looking right at him. He makes fun of her. Rightfully. I mean, she's a big-time stalker who actually allows this show to put her face on TV.
Ron has decided to hang out with the girls this day, but Deena's talking about her ass and poop and hemorrhoids. Not Ron's idea of fun conversation. Sam, Ron and Deena go to the bar, and Deena starts drinking.
Back at her apartment, Snooki starts trying to cook for Jionni. She says she actually wants to do a good job and impress him because he's going to be her husband. After she sets the oil on fire in the kitchen, she calls her dad. Then everything starts smoking. She thinks it will be a miracle if she gets through this experience without burning down the house. She leaves the pan on the burner while she gets instructions from her dad. She does attempt what looks like a decent meal, but she gags when she takes a bite.
Sam wants to go home and shower, but Deena tells her to just stay. Sam says she's not a dirt like you. Sam and Ron head home. Sam explains she's not Deena's mom; she's her friend. So if she wants to stay out and be a Meatball she can. Deena says that it's cool for a Meatball to stay out by herself. She's drinking and smoking up a storm. Back at the house, the Duck phone rings. It's Deena's mom, asking if Deena's drunk having fun on the boardwalk. Sam tells the truth that she's drunk, but says she doesn't think she's as drunk as she was last week. Deena's mom says she's coming down there if Deena's drunk again. Sam feels bad that she left Deena on the boardwalk by herself. This whole conversation is intercut with Deena dancing on pool tables and bars and all over the place. The timing on these phone calls (Mike and Paula, Deena's mom and Sam) makes me think they're set up. MTV wouldn't script this stuff, would they? Never!