Jersey Shore
Great Meatballs of Fire

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"I Wanna Go Home!"

Before we watch the Jersey Shore cast vomit and crap all over Seaside Heights, MTV takes a moment for Vinny to pay tribute to the victims of Hurricane Sandy. He tells us how much they love this place (they may love her, but they sure don't respect her), and urges us to text the words "Red Cross" to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief effort. Now, for the other (not-so-natural) disaster, let's return to the final season. Previously: Deena got drunk and arrested, and her mom lectured her. Mike took himself off the market, and then Paula got way too into the relationship. JWOWW and Roger might be breaking up! Oh no!

We open on rainy Seaside and sad music, as we get a repeat of last week's phone call between Jenni and Roger. She tells us that she'd feel like a "big chunk" of her was gone if she lost Roger. She thought she could spend the rest of her life with him. And, it turns out, she still can. Because he says he's done with the club scene with her, but he is not breaking up with her. She hopes they can get past this, because sometimes you have to go through bad stuff (like an abusive boyfriend) to become a stronger couple. What ever happened to "After I have sex with a guy, I will cut his head off"? She gets off the phone, all happy.

Mike's filling everyone in on how much Paula has changed in one day after four summers. He says he's going to stick it out, though, since this is only Day One. Ron informs Mike that she's just being a girlfriend now because she won't obey. And Ron thinks he's had sex that will last longer than this relationship. He also doesn't understand why Mike can get through rehab but not one day of a relationship.

When Mike, Ron, and Deena arrive at work, Danny's bought a new uniform for Deena: an orange jumpsuit. Which she puts on. Mike keeps convincing himself that he's going to make this work, but he's already talking about the little things that bother him about Paula. He says she's a natural 8.2, but needs a little fixing up. He says girls should be spoiled and have nice things, and he doesn't mind sending her to the store for some clothes. Deena says Mike thinks he bought a doll. They stop talking when Paula shows up. Deena whispers to Ron that this is going to freak Mike out. Ron agrees he's going to jump ship. Paula gives Mike a kiss and leaves. Mike acknowledges Paula's a little too comfortable. And, The Situation relationship wisdom, ladies and gentlemen: "When you're a little too comfortable in a relationship, you no longer have a relationship." Right. I have always heard that relationships get more awkward with time. They start a pool about when the relationship will end: Ron takes 10 days, and Deena says a week before they leave. Mike does not want in on that.

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Jersey Shore

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