Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now!
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GTF — Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting

Things take a turn for the ugly when Roger returns JWOWW's pissy message. He explains that she did see him on the road but that he was alone and running late for his haircut. He tells her to cut that shit out and give him some breathing room. She apologizes and confessionalizes that Roger has become more than the rebound guy she expected him to be. She's actually developing feelings for him.

The next day, Ronnie tells Sammi that he misses her and asks her to work things out. Sitting on a mattress on the floor (because, again, he broke her fucking bed frame in a 'roid rage) and wearing her brand new pair of glasses (to replace the ones he broke in a 'roid rage), she seems skeptical. He insists that they've both changed, as if both of them needed to change and not just him. Sammi says she's happy right now and liking the person who he has been. She assures him he's her best friend and that she does love him. She interviews that she's anxious to walk away from him now that she's seen his good side again. To his face, she says she's scared. He straight-up pressures her for an answer, saying he "needs to know." And while he doesn't overtly say that he will move on if she's not interested, the threat is there. And if that threat isn't enough of a deterrent for her, then nothing will be. Regardless, she gives him the opportunity to prove himself to her while they're working things out between them.

Sammi heads downstairs, where Snooki and JWOWW take her outside to subject her for the inquisition for pandering to Ronnie. She trots out her bullshit about things being different and insists that she's going to continue sleeping in their room, but JWOWW isn't swayed. "It's the same shit, different toilet," she says. But does this one have Vinny's underpants in it?

Everyone takes a break from drama to go to Jenkinson's, a.k.a. the place that Snooki and Deena were supposed to go when Sitch sent them to Times Square. Since Sitch is weirdly missing from almost this entire episode, no such ridiculousness occurs, and everyone gets to the club unscathed. While the boys hit up a nearby batting cage, the girls hit up the bar for actual pitchers of drinks (each) and then assess the throbbing crowd of gorilla juiceheads populating Jenk's. The ladies quickly realize that all the guys at Jenk's are classic Monets. I believe the words she uses are "jacked" and "hideous."

JWOWW says beckoning a juicehead at Jenk's is like tapping on the glass at the aquarium next door. The moment the creatures come your way, it freaks you out. And with a fitting shot of an ugly-ass fish, we journey over to the aquarium, where Ronnie, Sammi, and Sammi's friend Drea meet a penguin. The penguin sitter asks the boys and girls what kind of animal a penguin is, and Sammi and Ronnie are shocked to find out that a penguin is a bird, not a mammal -- because there are so many mammals with beaks... American public education, folks!

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Jersey Shore

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