Jersey Shore

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Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now!
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GTF — Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting

Pauly puts some popcorn in the microwave in anticipation of the bust-up between Sammi and Ronnie. Instead, she comes home and nothing happens. They agree that it's lame, totally not realizing that they are the ones making this whole situation lame and overplayed. They actually sit there for a good hour or so just waiting for shit to blow. When Vinny chants, "Shady, Shady, Aftermath..." Sammi can't take it anymore and calls out Sitch for being the shadiest person in the house, not to mention grimy and two-faced. They go back and forth, calling the other more shady than themselves. Sammi sticks to her story, and Sitch pointedly claims he's just honoring "Boy Code."

Ronnie finally jumps in on Sitch's side. Pauly and Vinny bob their heads back and forth with no small amount of satisfaction. Sammi calls on her girls to back her up, but they don't have a chance because Ronnie explodes. He starts railing about, essentially, how he had to do penance for about 36 hours for months of cheating and acting like a shit. And she should feel bad because he feels bad! And if this little outburst isn't the operative philosophy of their relationship, then I don't know what is. Sitch thinks Ronnie is getting played while he's "calling for roses, crying on [Sitch's] shoulder... listening to Michael Bolton!" Which leads me to believe that The Situation didn't instigate this fight because of Sammi or Ronnie or anything to do with the Jersey Shore. I think he started it because he's secretly angry he had to spend but a few hours of his life with Michael Bolton. Wouldn't you be?

Ronnie follows Sammi into her room and physically manhandles her to talk to him -- by which I mean let him make her feel like shit some more. As they fight, Sitch insists he was right to tell Ronnie about the supposed wrongdoing. Vinny agrees that he "wasn't wrong" (says the Harvard Law School applicant) but does acknowledge that he stirred up a serious shit storm. Deena and Snooki look on in the distance, like, "We are. Over. This. Bullshit." And Pauly, as ever, voices the frustration of the gang (and perhaps America at large): "If this relationship continues, I'll kill myself." As the screeching continues, everyone reaches the consensus that SamRo 2.0 is dun-to-the-zo.

Next week: The Snooki-Vinny tango continues, with more insults and innuendos! Sitch does some more sleuthing, only to uncover that Sammi wasn't shady after all. And Ronnie still doesn't believe her!

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Jersey Shore

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