Everyone heads home in time for the sight gag du jour: Juiceheads on tiny bikes! Pauly thinks this diversion is good because it's the first time Ronnie has smiled since Sammi left. I think it's good that they have tiny brains and are so easily amused because it makes my job easier. Win-win!

Meanwhile, Snooki calls Nick. Of course he doesn't answer the phone, so she leaves him a dozen or so angry voicemail and takes her frustration out on the duck phone. JWOWW comes down to fan the flames by suggesting that Nick might have hooked up with another girl the night before. Nice friend skillz, WOWW! As Snooki proclaims she's ashamed of herself, JWOWW calls Roger (a.k.a. Nick's friend and JWOWW's boyfriend-ish) to see what the deal is. Roger tells JWOWW that Nick knows Snooki hooked up with Nick's friend's cousin the night before. Meanwhile, I love how it's totally acceptable to fuck your roommate who has a boyfriend, but hooking up with a friend's cousin is a deal breaker. Oh ye arbitrary rules of the Jersey Shore! And then the plot thickens: apparently Nick's friend and Gianni the bad cuddler's cousin is Jeff, against whom Snooki also slapped her vajayjay. Ronnie echoes Pauly's new refrain: "Busted! Big-time!"

That afternoon, I have the displeasure to inform you, the end of the running toilet joke (no pun intended) is nowhere in sight. Using a borrowed drain snake (speaking of ghetto), Vinny tries -- and fails -- to unclog the toilet. Snooki apparently finds the aroma of feces and musk appealing because she asks Vinny if he wants to bang. She gets down on herself because Vinny won't give her the time of day, and the sex wasn't even that good.

Night falls. As the kids wait for their cabs, everyone gives Snooki a hard time for her one-nighter. Vinny is especially judgmental, which angers Snooki. She claims that he brings home grenades on the regular and should be "proud" of her for getting some. Ummmm... proud? That might be a stretch. She storms out of the room, so he follows to make sure she's not mad at him? I mean, why would she be? He's just calling her a dirty whore for doing the exact same thing he does, but way less. Totally not offensive or sexist! Snooki finally answers the prayers and strongly worded letters of thousands by acknowledging the double standard in the house. Vinny claims he was talking trash about the guy, not her, but it's of scant comfort.