Jersey Shore
Kissing Cousins

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Meatballs & Marshmallows

Night falls. As the kids wait for their cabs, everyone gives Snooki a hard time for her one-nighter. Vinny is especially judgmental, which angers Snooki. She claims that he brings home grenades on the regular and should be "proud" of her for getting some. Ummmm... proud? That might be a stretch. She storms out of the room, so he follows to make sure she's not mad at him? I mean, why would she be? He's just calling her a dirty whore for doing the exact same thing he does, but way less. Totally not offensive or sexist! Snooki finally answers the prayers and strongly worded letters of thousands by acknowledging the double standard in the house. Vinny claims he was talking trash about the guy, not her, but it's of scant comfort.

The gang, minus Ronnie, head out for the night. While Snooki takes Vinny's guilty dancing with her as a sign that he might finally be coming around, JWOWW meets some friends of Roger's. After a few minutes of conversation, she realizes that one of them is flagrantly hitting on her. So she tells him to text Roger that she misses him, then makes a quick exit. Subtle yet firm rejection really is an art.

Everyone heads back home. Deena crawls around on the carpet like a drunken cat, and Vinny stumbles his way up to Snooki's bed to cuddle. A few minutes in, he gets cold feet and leaves. The dick part, however, is that he's all, "You don't want to cuddle." Where do these men learn to make women feel like everything's their fault? What a load. Snooki says that Vinny only wants to hook up when he's drunk, and he needs to make up his mind. Wow, there was actually a Degrassi episode about this. Except it involved a transgendered F2M and an alcoholic, both teens. Poor Snooki.

Pauly interviews that Vinny and Snooki's relationship is weird and thinks they should get it over with and have a no-strings smushfest. He says as much to Vinny, but Vinny is skeeved out by the idea of having sex with Snooki one night after she smashed with another guy. Didn't seem to bother him with Angelina. In a weird, sexist way, I guess that means he has respect (and/or feelings?) for Snooki. I don't know whether to be impressed or offended. Which I guess is the unofficial tagline for this show.

The next morning, Ronnie calls Sammi. He says he wanted to hear her voice, that he almost left the house the day before, and asks what their status is. She calls him out for only appreciating her now that she's gone. She says, if she comes back, she will be there for him as a friend. Ronnie doesn't think that's possible, not just because it's Sammi but also in general. Methinks he only believes this because he treats girls like crap and they don't want to be his friend afterward. He says that he won't be able to be in the same house as her if she comes back. I think if she is stupid enough to subject herself to this again, he should hang on for dear life. Sammi may just be pathetic enough to make it work!

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Jersey Shore

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