Doctor. Jenni says she's going to the orthopedic surgeon this time. He asks what happened and she says, "I fell at Bamboo. Well, I got pushed at Bamboo. And I fractured my navicular." He says he'd like to figure this out before they diagnose her. He pushes on her a bunch and tells her she doesn't have any broken bones and is probably not going to need her wheelchair, or a cast, or a boot or anything. Snooki's mad, and the surgeon is like, "You wanted her to have a broken foot?" Snooki, unapologetically: "Yeah." Jenni's relieved she can go back to enjoying Seaside with two legs. But Snooki still wants to rock their wheelchairs.
It's time for Paula and Mike's big date. All the roomies go, but Mike asks for them to sit separately, because he thinks it will be more special with just the two of them. Vinny can't believe he's going to be witness to this monumental moment: "Situation is going to be wifed up." Mike and Paula make small talk about their day, as the roomies watch and think he's sweating a little bit. Mike opens his shirt and Paula doesn't say anything. Ron says she just sits there and says nothing, and then he says he didn't even know she could read. I mean, that's fair. I thought maybe she had a vision or perhaps a comprehension problem, given that she's stuck around this long. Mike asks what she thinks and MTV cuts to commercial. SUSPENSE. Speaking of commercials, I actually want to see Catfish. I mean, the movie was good. And it looks like it could make for some genuinely happy and horrifying moments.
After the break, Paula accepts Mike's offer and gives him a hug. Mike obnoxiously interviews that hearts are breaking across America because The Situation's off the market. Vinny says Mike and Paula are perfect for each other, because they are both space cadets, say the stupidest shit ever and have the attention span of a goldfish. Ah, romance. He asks her about her lip ring, which she says has been there since he met her. He tells her they've come a long way and she says she can't imagine being with anyone else. Then she says she wants a house, a puppy, kids and marriage. He's like, "WTF, girl. Chill." He tells her she's thinking too far ahead and she's like, "Obviously. I'm not giving you my ovulation schedule or anything." Mike calls for the check, which is hilarious. They leave Rivoli's, which has a big "Ron Ron Juice" sign under it. Ron says now the fighting will start and he's basically right. As soon as they get back to the house, Paula wants to go in the Smoosh room, and tells the whole house they're going to have sex. So Mike isn't feeling it -- he says she's either too excited or has no filter -- and tells her he wants to sleep in his own bed. They actually just go to sleep.