Previously: The kids arrived in Italy, and The Situation set his sights on Snooki.
We rejoin the gang at il club, where Sitch is mackin' on Snooki. But first, we get to watch Deena like a pent-up zoo animal as she jams her lingua in Pauly's bocca. If Ms. Cortese has anything to do with it, it'll be called Italian kissing by the end of the night. Pauly indulges her but finally pulls away with a look that's somewhere between embarrassment and amusement. (Also? Merda faccia'd. Translate that one, kids!) Pauly agrees to hook up and cuddle with Deena. She hopes that eventually he'll be willing to put his salsiccia in her figa.
Things aren't looking so good, however, for old Sitchy. When asked what's going on between them, Snickers answers, "He keeps touching me. It's gross." So Snooki distracts herself by pimping out Deena to Pauly. He admits he's giù a scopare but is afraid that he'll hurt her feeling when he inevitably brings home Old World skanks. He says he's never met a girl who could hook up casually without developing feelings. So the jury's still out on the scopare-ing tonight.
As such, Pauly immediately tries to go pick up another girl. We'll call her Human Buffer. Alas, HB has a boyfriend. While Pauly picks up his dignity... or goes back to Deena's open figa, Snooki and JWOWW caucus about the possible developments between Deena and Pauly. JWOWW is on Pauly's side, and Snooki understands this scenario all too well after her past hook-ups with Vinny.
Back out on the dance floor, Pauly has found another ragazza to serve as his Deena shield. Deena walks up to him and yells out but is immediately swooped away by JWOWW. Deena insists she won't get all girly if she and Pauly smush. JWOWW says it's just a matter of time, then. The only questions being when and where. I like how "where" is a question. Then again, this is a girl who pees behind bars when the bathroom line is too long. The kids head back home.
Just walking back in, Deena falls flat on her face. Meanwhile, JWOWW is hobbling around looking for a bathroom because she's "trying not to piss in public... again." Ronnie calls his friend Hannah, who was there for him during all the Sammi drama. Then Deena stumbles around the house some more -- this time with 100% more marionette! Eventually everyone decides to go to sleep. Except Deena, of course. She teeters over to Pauly's bed as scary Fatal Attraction string screech in the background. Pauly remains asleep, so Deena staggers off. His eyes open knowingly for a few seconds, then he goes back to sleeping... or pretending to sleep... whichever will ensure that Deena isn't riding his gallo