The girls keep making out, with more and more fervor until they're basically gouging at one another with their tonsils. Vomit starts seeping from the walls Shining-style. In a later interview, Snooki declares herself "like, the best kisser in the whole planet... wait, 'on' the whole planet? [Pause] On the whole planet." Since they just threw up their six-course Italian dinner, the rest of the guys decide to head home and take Team Meatballs with them. The girls barely get two feet out of the club before they both fall in separate places (honorable mention to Deena who takes down a velvet rope with her). As she piles them into the cab, JWOWW kicks rocks violently and says, "Why do I always have to be the mom? There goes my night!" Say it with me now: "Whaddayagonnadowhadeva..."
Once they're settled in the car, Snooki and Deena pick up where they left off and make out like bandits. JWOWW says "this isn't an ordinary girl make-out session, this is like, 'We're going to fuck when we get back home," then adds, "and I have to share a room with them." Sammi chimes in, "I don't even make out this long with Ron." [Note: "...without having an insane fight beforehand, during and after." -- RS.] A few minutes later, the cab arrives at the hotel, and JWOWW and Sammi run like the wind to get out of there. Inside the room, Team Meatballs continues to make out, eventually ending up under the covers in the same bed.
The next morning, Ronnie wakes up early and "swacks" ("swagger jacks") Pauly's wake-up call by running around the house and yelling in people's faces like a jackass. Frankly, it's a better look on Ronnie. This trend becomes a concern for Pauly, though, who thinks Ronnie is getting a little Single White Female on him. Back at the hotel, Team Meatballs are still passed out in each other's arms, so Sammi and JWOWW head out for a shop-and-moan. Thus begins the cross-cut. Ronnie says he's now on Team Jionni after seeing how embarrassing Snooki can be. He interviews "Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating." Really, Ronnie? This coming from you? The guys all agree that Jionni is within rights to break up with Snooki.
On a lighter note, the boy and girl crews separately go shopping, where JWOWW busy the biggest pink straw hat ever, and Ronnie tries on a blinding white mesh wife beater. When they arrive, the meatballs are still sleeping. Vinny declares, "It smells like hot sweat and regret in here." Deena emerges from the room looking like a hard-boiled zombie, and Vinny makes all sorts of lewd double entendres that I shan't repeat. I am a Lady (look, it's in my name)! Long story short, neither of them remember anything past dinner. Deena takes the comfort of the potentially date raped, saying, "I don't know... usually when I do sex, even if I'm blacked out, I know I did sex." JWOWW and Sammi waste no time in filling them on the night's cuca-filled, tongue-tangling lowlights. JWOWW suggests she saw a blanket prop-up that resembled cunnilingus knees, but Snooki won't believe it. She also refuses to believe that Jionni might be mad at this little indiscretion. All the while, she is brushing her teeth with her finger because she couldn't be bothered to bring a tooth brush. This is the pinnacle of class, friends.