Jersey Shore
Meatball Mashup

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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"Whaddayagonnadowhadeva..."

And if you think that will be the apex of the night's ridiculousness, you are just as unable to learn from the past as Deena. Team Meatballs decides to go take a wander over to the dance floor, where Snooki lays her sweet ass down and Deena begins fondling her up and down. At seeing this, JWOWW launches into an unstoppable emphysema cough-laugh fit. One minute Deena backs it up on Snooki, the next they are full-on making out. And no one can really say it better than the roommates --

Sammi: What the fuck is going on? Because Nicole is all about Jionni, and Deena, like... are you lesbian?!
JWOWW: Nicole and Deena are digesting each other's tongues. I am so skeeved out, I want to throw up.
Vinny (to Pauly): Does that turn you on?
Pauly: No!

The girls keep making out, with more and more fervor until they're basically gouging at one another with their tonsils. Vomit starts seeping from the walls Shining-style. In a later interview, Snooki declares herself "like, the best kisser in the whole planet... wait, 'on' the whole planet? [Pause] On the whole planet." Since they just threw up their six-course Italian dinner, the rest of the guys decide to head home and take Team Meatballs with them. The girls barely get two feet out of the club before they both fall in separate places (honorable mention to Deena who takes down a velvet rope with her). As she piles them into the cab, JWOWW kicks rocks violently and says, "Why do I always have to be the mom? There goes my night!" Say it with me now: "Whaddayagonnadowhadeva..."

Once they're settled in the car, Snooki and Deena pick up where they left off and make out like bandits. JWOWW says "this isn't an ordinary girl make-out session, this is like, 'We're going to fuck when we get back home," then adds, "and I have to share a room with them." Sammi chimes in, "I don't even make out this long with Ron." [Note: "...without having an insane fight beforehand, during and after." -- RS.] A few minutes later, the cab arrives at the hotel, and JWOWW and Sammi run like the wind to get out of there. Inside the room, Team Meatballs continues to make out, eventually ending up under the covers in the same bed.

The next morning, Ronnie wakes up early and "swacks" ("swagger jacks") Pauly's wake-up call by running around the house and yelling in people's faces like a jackass. Frankly, it's a better look on Ronnie. This trend becomes a concern for Pauly, though, who thinks Ronnie is getting a little Single White Female on him. Back at the hotel, Team Meatballs are still passed out in each other's arms, so Sammi and JWOWW head out for a shop-and-moan. Thus begins the cross-cut. Ronnie says he's now on Team Jionni after seeing how embarrassing Snooki can be. He interviews "Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating." Really, Ronnie? This coming from you? The guys all agree that Jionni is within rights to break up with Snooki.

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Jersey Shore

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