Ron and Sam finally wake up and head out to find Deena. They find her at Spicy's. Ron says she's "beyond gone. I'm talking space cadet gone." He says she doesn't know where she is, and is speaking baby Lorenzo language right now. That is a total insult to Snooki's unborn child. Sam says, "Our Meatball is back!"
Deena stumbles and falls flat on her face in the bar. Her new Meatball friend, Steve, from the Shore Store picks her up. Sam says she can't even understand what Deena's saying. She heads out into the middle of the road, and Steve tries to get her from going in the street. Ron heads out to look for her, and Sam's like, "Are you leaving me?" Really, Sam? You don't think Deena needs more help. So Ron just looks and sees her and goes back to sit with his whiny girlfriend. But then Steve comes and tells them she's running around in the street, so Ron heads out. But, before he gets there, she gets arrested. Ron runs back to tell Sam, as Deena keeps asking the cops why she's in trouble. She cries that she doesn't want to be in trouble. They tell her she can't block traffic by dancing in the street. She cries she didn't do anything wrong, and they said she did by being extremely drunk and dancing in the street. She says she didn't know and is sorry, and the cop - who is extremely patient - tells her it's okay. They take her away in the cop car. And, it's official: She is the new Snooki. Thank God. I mean, bad for her overall in life. But good for our temporary entertainment. Because it sure beats her whining and crying about her boyfriend Chris all the time.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, logically knows she should want these people to grow up, but prefers them immature and partying hard on TV. You can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.