Mike's about to get in a fight with someone, but he doesn't - despite Ryan egging him on. What is with this guy? Anyway, Mike heads home and talks about how he's just dealing with being the guy who goes out and can't drink. I know it's weird, but I'm sort of proud of him. I mean, finally at 150, he's grown up. I think I need therapy. He gets home, and no one else is there. He calls Paula and tells her that he got home, and didn't have a good time at all. He says he wanted to fight everybody because he was in a bad mood. He asks her to come over, and she says she will. Mike goes to bed, and everyone else gets home. Deena changes her clothes, and wants to keep drinking. She ends up popping her big blue ball, and drunk Ron and Sam crack up at her. She crawls inside the blue ball, and does the drunkest poetry in the world about losing her best ball. Paula arrives, and Pauly D takes her up to Mike, which he says is the perfect gift for Mike after his rough night. She rubs his back, as he says he's had a rough night and Paula's been there through thick and thin. Next morning, Paula gets up and leaves.
Then Deena gets up, still drunk it seems, and asks Sam to be her new Meatball. But Sam won't come, so Deena goes out by herself. She doesn't even get dressed or brush her hair. She just heads out to find a new Meatball. She starts taking shots with random girls, and tells them they have to dance. "That's what a Meatball does." She says no one auditioning is really that good at this. But you've got to deal with what you got. Did anyone think there was something Snooki might be good at that no one else is capable of?
Back at the house, Mike gets a delivery of chocolates from Paula, and decides he needs to take himself off the market and declare Paula his girlfriend. Vinny says there might be a Mrs. Situation. "I feel sorry for that girl." Mike says Paula found the combination to his heart: good sex and chocolate.
At the bar, Deena goes from dancing on the bar to bawling her face off about how much she misses Nicole. People are like, "Awww." But I think it's because they think Deena's, like, mentally challenged. Let's keep in mind that it is still morning. At least in their world, since they just woke up. Deena's a train wreck. MTV must be thankful Deena came along in time to replace Snooki during her pregnancy. Deena heads to the boardwalk, because she wants to get another giant blue ball to replace the one she popped last night. She wins it, and kisses the carnie running the booth.