Jersey Shore
Nothing But Nice

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Cocksure

Karma time! As usual, Sitch leaves the group the minute they get to da club, but no one cares. Pauly is blissfully gazing at his beloved Vinny, who quickly finds himself a girl to gently kiss. Maybe I'm just back on that first high post-withdrawal, but Vinny's game was looking kind of hot. Not so hot? Snooki and Deena found their male Meatball equivalent, and he's about as sexy as you think. Speaking of things that are (not) sexy, Snooki peed herself. She heads to the bathroom to clean up, by which I mean she snatches up the free body splash and sprays herself 22 times, with special attention to her crotch. Then she leaves the bathroom without washing her hands. Nice. This, friends, will go down as the day I learned about the "Shore shower." Apparently I've been doing it wrong all these years by using soap and water. What a fool I've been! Snooki snarks in an interview, "Don't call me dirty! I'm not dirty. I smell phenomenal." Ummmm... not the same thing. To be fair, Snooki also exfoliates with kitty litter, so I suppose if I had to pick, I'd allow the Shore showers.

The night wears down, and the kids stagger home. Snooki tumbles into her bed cursing at no one in particular, Deena prepares herself a little guidette nightcap (a.k.a. a Hot Pocket), and Vinny... does push-ups? Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess. Deena come in to wish the boys and tell Vinny she loves him. He refuses to say it back. Sad face.

The next morning, Snooki wakes up fully clothed (including pee pants and eight-inch platforms). Her first order of business is throwing away the tainted underwears (discreetly, she claims, which may in fact be the first time she's practiced discretion in her life), then tromping around the house commando in a cuca-high T-shirt dress. So, you know, an average Tuesday. Elsewhere, Deena is also attending to some personal grooming as she combs out what appear to be cheetah-print extensions. What in the holy hell? She heads to the bathroom to wash them and up getting a severe jolt when she plugs her hair dryer into the socket. While her arm is still tingling, she goes to another bathroom and plugs in the blow-dryer again! Real smart, Deena. Luckily, she isn't harmed the second time around. She mentions the tingles to Sammi and wonders if the spark might turn her brain "all crazy." First, too late. Second, you drink like you have 57 livers. Are we really quibbling over a hundred volts or so? Sammi notes that cops Tase people all the time, and those people usually don't die. Then the girls have a discussion of the science behind electricity that would make Sheldon Cooper's brain go "all crazy."

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Jersey Shore

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