Jersey Shore
Nothing But Nice

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Cocksure

They head back to the house, but the guys have gone for GTL. Sitch is out on the porch with JWOWW and Snooki's dad, and he overhears her saying how she can't get in touch with Roger. He interviews that telling her he saw Roger "might start drama." I don't think it's so much an "I shouldn't do this" as a "look what I'm doing!" Because, yep, not two seconds later, he's all, "Actually, I just saw Roger!" JWOWW is pissed that Roger is ostensibly avoiding her.

Snooki and her dad head to her doctor's appointment. Meanwhile, the guys are driving back from the gym making fun of Sitch's weirdo rant-slash-apology from the night before. Ronnie explains the whole "terrorist" imbroglio and basically calls Sitch a big baby. They return home where Sitch continues to apologize for something he thinks he's done but has no idea what it might be. Quick tip, Sitch (and by "tip," I don't mean your penis): If you don't know what you're apologizing for, the apology probably isn't genuine and maybe not even necessary. Pauly says Sitch gets fixated on certain topics for days at a time. Today he's apologetic, but tomorrow his tune will change. In essence, The Situation may actually be a paranoid schizophrenic.

To wit, he believes he has determined "the real troublemaker": Snooki. He sits next to Pauly, muttering about Jionni and swinging his legs wildly. Pauly emits lots of Ahhhhs and Ohhhhhs, which roughly translate to, "You could get violent at any moment, so I'm not going to make any sudden movements." Vinny is far enough away that he doesn't feel a threat to his personal safety, so he actually laughs out loud at Sitch's insane theorizing. Also at his complete lack of self-awareness -- he has been insisting for days how genuine and nice and without ulterior motives he is, and in the blink of an eye he's back to his old tricks and spinning a plot to take down Snooki. Sitch says with sudden, startling clarity, "I can't believe I got blindsided right there." He leaps up to call His Boy Unit and place a verbal hit out on Snooki by way of Jionni. With Sitch at a safe distance, Pauly too starts snickering. While Sitch spits his marching orders over the duck phone, Pauly says, "The real Mike is back. I love watching all the shit he does. I got my popcorn ready. Let's get the show on the road!"

Next week: Operation Snook-sassination. Deena plays wingman to Vinny. JWOWW tires of Roger's excuses.

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Jersey Shore

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