Jersey Shore
Once More Unto the Breach

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D | Grade It Now!
Remember When We Were Fun?

JWOWW, meanwhile, has moved in with Roger. He's not that happy about her going off to the shore and she agrees he wouldn't be allowed to get a shore house with his buddies. Double standards are cool. But what does he want her to do? Get a real job? She tells us they're doing great. "Same shit, different toilet." Awww. Is Hallmark watching? We get to relive last season's fight. Roger just wants to settle down and get married and have kids, but she keeps leaving. She snits back: "Where's my ring?" Foreshadowing? Do we care?

Mike stops to buy fixings for dinner -- including a giant pickle for Snooki -- so he can show the roommates he wants to start this summer off on the right foot. Meanwhile, Snooki calls JWOWW and tells her that she hasn't spoken to Mike and doesn't want to. If he touches her, she'll go into premature labor. So, we get that Snooki's new thing is joking about miscarriage and labor. Pregnancy has changed her so much, you guys. Mike continues his drive -- in a surprisingly not-tacky Jeep -- and admits that even he wonders how he's going to behave this summer.

Ron and Sam are together again -- at least for the show. They both think things are better now and it's all about communicating without having roid rage. Which can be hard for Ron, but he's working on it. In the car, he tells her: "I'm not looking forward to living with a pregnant chick, to be honest." Another classy line, especially to the girl you may end up living with while she's pregnant with your baby someday. He then talks shit about JWOWW (she might complain more than Snooki pregnant) and says this is going to get worse when he gets drunk.

Pauly and Vinny talk on the phone as Pauly drives toward the Shore. They are going to give Mike another chance to be in MVP, now that he's clean. Vinny explains what he happened last season, when he headed home with exhaustion. Vinny's at his mom's, eating at her tiny kitchen table, with a cat. I love Vinny's family. Example: He tells his mom and sister that he was thinking, if Nicole and Jionni don't work out, he'll help her raise the baby. Vinny's mom: "Why not? You love her." Cute. Except a mother should probably want more for her child.

Deena, meanwhile, is a whole new person. Or, rather, she's lost a few pounds and straightened her hair. She doesn't know who she'll play with now that the two drunkest people she knows are either sober or pregnant. Her boyfriend, Chris, shows up to see her off. She screams about how she's "finally happy," but it's hard to really think anything of it, because she's always shrieking about something.

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Jersey Shore




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