Jersey Shore
Once More Unto the Breach

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D | Grade It Now!
Remember When We Were Fun?

Snooki picks up JWOWW and then we get a driving montage as everyone makes their way. There isn't the usual intense suspense about who will arrive first and get the best room. Instead, Mike tells us this is the first time he's driven across this bridge sober. He arrives first and starts cooking up the meal he bought. He says this is the Italian version of an apology. Because he can't actually say it. Deena arrives next and Mike definitely notices the new look. She's lucky she has a shallow audience. He tells her he's also quit smoking and she tells him he looks great. She hopes he stays like this, because she likes it. He tells her it's okay to drink and smoke around him. Pauly shows up and has to wander around, all "Hello?" until he finds Mike and Deena on the deck. Pauly says that he and Mike totally clicked the first time they met, and seeing Mike right now is like seeing the same guy again. Is it possible that Mike was only a douchebag because of a drug and alcohol problem? Ron and Sam show up next. Sam's not forgiving Mike for messing with her relationship. She thinks he'll always be the same. Vinny shows up next, and gets teased for looking pale. What is this? Season 1? They realize that no one has even claimed a room yet. My, how they've grown. They even let Sam and Ron have the room for two and MVP takes the three-bed room upstairs. They are the only single people in the house at this point. Pauly and Vinny are glad to have Mike back to himself. But wait. How does anyone know the real Mike? We have never seen him sober, have we?

Finally, Jenni and Snooki arrive. Snooki introduces Lorenzo to the shore house. So at this point, she's already named her baby. All the girls touch her belly and act like they have never known anyone who's ever had a baby. Deena shrieks that it freaks her out, and Snooki calls her an asshole. She says she has three months until she gives birth. Then we get a Snooki-is-still-mad-at-Mike moment, where he tries to talk to her and she tells him to go away. Snooze.

Mike's finishing up dinner while everyone else unpacks. He says he wants to challenge the roommates to "hate on that. That's hard-ass work." Then he already gets petty, and says there's no way he's cleaning up and it would have been nice if someone had offered help. But no one has.

Snooki talks about how hard this is going to be. She can't drink or smoke. "So what else am I going to do?" Snooki asks Deena who's going to drink with her at 10 in the morning. "No one." Then the guys comment on Snooki's huge boobs and she tells them Jionni says he's tasted some milk. I mean, we all know Snooki doesn't understand the definition of TMI, but still.

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Jersey Shore




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