Jersey Shore
One Man Down

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
No Chain, No Gain

The next day, Pauly catches wise that his diamond chain is missing. Snooki knows how a ho behaves and immediately makes Shantel for the robbery: "She probably stuck it in her asshole." Replay the footage of Shantel cramming the jewels down her front bum. Ding ding ding, Snooki! Pauly looks high and low to no avail, but it seems our Shantel had a crisis of conscience. She comes a-knockin' wearing nothing but an ass-cracking revealing bikini, Pauly's chain, and, oh, a new pair of shoes. For her integrity, Pauly tries to find her shoes. As all this goes down, Snooki narrates Shantel's totally obvious motives -- to take the chain to have an excuse to come back -- and admits she probably would have pulled such a maneuver herself. The shoe search is not fruitful, and Pauly sums up that Shantel "lost her dignity, her self-respect" and her shoes. Well, Shantel, that was your 15 minutes of fame (that's probably a literal estimate). Thank you for conducting yourself with grace, dignity and grand larceny.

Vinny continues to grapple with his anxiety, so Ronnie takes him to the Boardwalk. Unfortunately, even giant stuffed bulldogs and sexual harassment can't get Vinny out of his funk. He's facing the ultimate crisis of humanity for a guido -- he doesn't want to go to da club. He says he needs rest. Not sleep. Rest. He recognizes that everything about his current circumstances is triggering his troubling trifecta. He swears off drinking for the moment and decides that, eventually, he'll have to make the tough choice whether to leave Seaside. They head back to the house. Snooki finds Vinny once again stewing over his problems. She tries to cheer him up and encourages him not to leave, but she knows that it might be the best decision for him. Either way, Vinny wants to make his decision when he's in a clear headspace, not an insomniac frenzy like he is now.

That evening, the kids make their plans to hit up Karma, knowing that Vinny won't be joining them. They feel bad for their friend but acknowledge that his depression is rubbing off on the rest of the house. At least for a minute here and there. Once Deena rehashes her joke about not drinking, all is right with the world once more! They get ready to go out, which involves pouf puffing (Snooki), aloe application (Pauly) and copious amounts of fragrance in hot spots (Deena). I actually counted (or tried to): 43 sprays! I use three. The cloud of drugstore perfume is so thick, Deena actually coughs and gasps for air.

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Jersey Shore




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