Then Mike ends up somehow explaining himself to Paula, telling her he didn't do anything, but girls hit on him a lot. She asks who he's thinking about at the end of the day, which is all she cares about. He tells her he cares about her more than anyone else in the club. She apologizes, and goes to get a drink. Then a girl with big boobs hanging out starts rubbing all over him. He informs us he's sober and good-looking, which is the best thing. He's sort of hiding around a corner with this girl, and Jenni doesn't like it because Paula's watching. Paula comes over to tell Mike goodbye, and just tells the girl, "It's okay, sweetheart. You won't see the sunlight anyway." Mike informs us that he comes from a long line of ninjas, but his skills might not be so great since he didn't see Paula come from out of nowhere.
On the walk home, Mike's got his boob girl, Pauly's got a girl (he informs us he needs to get it in because he's backed up; he has the decency to laugh at himself for saying that, but still: ew). Mike's girl is so drunk she falls over and her boobs fall out. Mike realizes she's way too sloppy and he's going to have to send her on her way. So he kisses her goodbye. Pauly brings this girl straight upstairs, and Sam informs us that it's been three weeks for Pauly, and he needs to just get it in, and get her out. Everyone in the whole house is listening to Pauly's bed banging. Seriously, everyone. They end up exchanging numbers, and Pauly immediately sends the girl away. He says she was a cool chick, and he might hit her up. But, if I were the girl, I wouldn't hold my breath.
Next morning, everyone's looking like hell when Snooki comes over to have Meatball auditions for Deena. Snooki thinks everyone is trying to be a Meatball this year, because it's fun to party and get drunk and shit, but no one's actually auditioned, so Snooki is going to be the judge since she's the initial party girl. They stop at a party store to get fun stuff for the day, and also to get prizes for whoever wins.
Sam and Ron head out on a date. Sam says it's a date for them to just spend some time alone together because that never happens. Ron thinks they've grown up and matured and they now feel comfortable and want to be with each other. Sam thinks it's cute that Nicole's having a baby, and says in five or ten years, they can have one. She asks what happens if it's a girl, and Ron says, "I'm pushing it back in."
Meatball auditions. The girls decide contestants have to do four shots without throwing up; then do a body shot off an old man; and a bunch of other stupid stuff. They head to boardwalk and start shouting about their Meatball auditions. They find a table full of people who are willing to audition, so they start with the four shots. Then Snooki finds a "gross old man" for body shots. She brings him over, and is really surprised that these girls are really ready for this, and not creeped out at all. (Also, the guy is not that old or that gross.) Now the Meatballs who are left have to go put on a beard, clown shoes and a fairy hat and have to go up to someone and say "Merp." They all do it, and Deena is laughing so hard she keeps saying she's going to pee herself. She can't believe these people are doing what she says. And neither can I. People must be really drunk at the Jersey Shore. Now it's time to choose the winners, and they are down to three girls: Belize. Sicilian. And Scotland. They choose all three and spray them with silly spray. Snooki tells Deena goodbye, and she's glad she found girls. "I love you. Please don't get arrested."