Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | 1 USERS: A+
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Remembrance of Things Smashed

This season: The Jersey Shore-ors headed down to Miami. And, oh yeah, The Situation hooked up with a tranny that time.

Julissa introduces the kids, and Sitch is predictably douchey, doing some ridiculous '90s Color Me Badd moves that might have actually served him well if he'd used them on Dancing with the Stars. Julissa reports that Angelina "chose" not to be on the reunion. Honestly, the fact that she even merited a mention after all of this season's fuckery was pretty impressive. How can you quit this shit twice? Twice!

Julissa asks which place has hotter women: Miami or the Shore? Pauly gives a diplomatic non-answer that the women of Miami are simply more exotic, but both places have hot girls. Debatable. Julissa flips the question, asking which city has more grenades. Sitch clarifies that grenades are equal opportunity offenders, and all 50 states have their fair share. He starts on some tangent about the "step-by-step process of diffusing a bomb," so Julissa asks him to spell it out. Pauly explains the "spin move," which is basically walking away but with an unnecessary (but Guido-tastic!) flourish of spinning out of there. These are the kind of people that would be a in a war zone and think that it was actually necessary to do leap-and-roll, thinking it would look cooler even though it's clearly more labor intensive and otherwise useless. What I'm saying is, these people feel that they're living in an action movie. Hence grenades. Bombastic much?

Julissa turns to the ladies, wondering which city had the "hotter juiceheads?" Snooki admits to the deficit of gorillas in Miami. JWOWW adds that Miami guys are more into the "lean surfer look." Julissa natters on in her typically over-pepped way. Why couldn't they get Kenny "Mr. Beautiful" from Real World/Road Rules Challenge to host this? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he would have been awful, but it couldn't have been worse than Julissa. And at least there would be the possibility of him and Sitch having an ab-off.

Julissa introduces a video package in which the girls are "introduced to a new element." What element would that be? A dick, apparently. Vinny brings the word "trenade" (= tranny grenade) into the lexicon, and several people explain their adage that "If you have to think about it..." don't do it. Which I think is pretty much how they approach life in general. Thinking + trannies = Guido nightmare. The package (no pun intended) ends with a clip of Ronnie dancing around in a yellow dress. I fear this image will never be far from the deepest, darkest recesses of my psyche. Julissa basically asks, "What in the tranny Hell was that?" Everyone laughs it off, so they move on to Sitch, who blames his run-in with the shemale on the al-al-al-al-alcohol.

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Jersey Shore

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