Even Pauly has his prank limits, we find out. And that limit is named Vanessa. He says the most disturbing thing about her is that "she wouldn't even talk -- no talkin', just stalkin'." Paffrath gets the last laugh when she pretends they've flown Vanessa in for the reunion. Pauly dutifully feigns shock, awe and horror for the 15 seconds of his contractual obligation, and Ronnie laughs like a stupid idiot as per his contract (and per the fact that he is, in fact, a stupid idiot). Paffrath assists the boys in patting themselves on the back some more about their dumbass prank, and that is -- I hope -- the last we'll ever have to hear of Operation: Inside Out.
Sitch and Snooki have returned to the peanut gallery, replaced on the couch by JWOWW. Time for the "Don't fall in love at the Jersey Shore" package of the highs and lows (mainly lows) of JWOWW and Roger's relationship. Long story short, JWOWW upholds all the horrible stereotypes about what overreacting banshees women in relationships are, and Deena upholds all the stereotypes about what pathetic losers all single gals are because she still wants a relationship as fantastically dysfunctional as any of her roommates'. We also learn that Roger and Ronnie have developed bromantical names for each other: "Old Man" and "Half-Pint," respectively. In sum, JWOWW and Roger are "good." Boring, dependable, basically married and not worth another second of our precious time.
Speaking of! Paffrath welcomes perhaps the greatest non-entity of this season to the couch: SamRo 2.0. Don't get me wrong. For many, many reasons, I would rather see these two not factor into the equation than have to deal with their epistolary entanglements and the fights that made me wonder if I should call the cops. That's too much responsibility for a recapper. We are frivolous people. Frivolous! Also frivolous: A package led off by the revelation that Sammi can decorate cakes and cook omelets. Riveting stuff, you guys. Long story short, Sammi is happy for maybe the first time in three years, and good for her. I'll just ignore the joke Pauly made about Ronnie "rearranging the furniture" -- a.k.a. throwing shit around like a damn maniac -- and deeming it "all in good fun." There was nothing fun about their psychologically, and nearly physically, abusive relationship of past seasons.