Now it's time for the final reunion episode of Jersey Shore. You know, that hour where we relive the season supposedly live and unscripted? But very obviously preplanned and rehearsed? Right, that. Well, here we are. And here is our annoying hostess, Amy Paffrath. She tells us how live we are, "So you never know what might happen." She tells us why America couldn't stop watching (these eight were always themselves) and that it became the top show in MTV history. She calls Thursday "Jersday," and says that tonight we'll celebrate the moments that made these guys superstars. It's the final reunion or as "they" (I guess she means bartenders?) like to say, "Last call."
Amy goes through a roll call of the whole gang, which I'll spare you since I think we are all familiar with the Jersey Shore cast at this point. She starts with Pauly and asks him what he'd say to the haters who were against the show ever airing. He just gives a "Yeaaaaaaaaah, buddy!" Eloquent. Amy sends us to a clip of their language and lifestyle. They all talk about what a Guido is. Mike's GTL license plates. Banging up the beat. JWOWW. The Situation. Sammi Sweetheart. Snooki. High hair. "T-shirt time." "Meatball power." "Fresh to death." DTF. What? No smoosh or "Cabs are here!" But Amy asks Mike how he feels when people say smoosh and "Cabs are here," so they're sort of included. He doesn't really answer because Pauly's like, "Cabs are here!" Amy asks if they're surprised how many Guidos are all over the country and Snooki and Vinny are.
Amy says we've also learned that Guidos are highly emotional and sometimes speak with their fists. Oh good, a fighting montage. Jenni hits Mike, Sam punches Ron, Snooki and Angelina fight. Jenni and Sam fight. More Snooki and Angelina. More Jenni and Mike. Mike bangs his head into a concrete wall in Italy. Guy punches Snooki. Snooki dances over the bones of Angelina. Or something. Amy asks Sam what makes them all want to fight so much. She thinks they all speak with their emotions, but Pauly and Vinny interrupt that they talk with their hands. Amy asks Mike about being on the receiving end of Jenni's punch and he says it took him by surprise. Amy asks Snooki what she feels like when she looks back on that first sucker punch. And, ohmigod Snooki has some giant fake new teeth in front. Ew. I cannot even pay attention to what she says. They are so big! And white! Something about being a tough bitch because she can take a punch. She tells us how that moment brought them all together and thanks the guy for punching her. Amy asks Ron about his long fighting history and what's next for him. He says he's a trendsetter and wasn't cool unless you got arrested. "Right, Deena? Right, Snooki?"