We have a new host for the evening: Amy Paffrath, whose questionable (read: a guido-approved draped cotton, python print minidress) fashion sense and tendency to violently accentuate points with head movements is already making me miss Julissa. I never thought I'd want more exposure to Julissa. Don't prove me wrong, Paffrath! She introduces the gang, which is only notable because Snooki almost falls over after being the only one to make a point of standing up during her introduction and because Deena looks like crap. Big hair and blonde highlights do not suit my Meatball.
Paffrath asks how Italy compared to Jersey. Deena says with elegant simplicity, "Ummmm... different." Lots of differences are thrown out there to prove how much lovelier Italy is than Seaside, among them the architecture, the guys, and (from Snooki) the geography. Paffrath asks mockingly, "Snooki, what about the geography was beautiful?" Okay, Paffrath, keep your head jerking to a minimum, and we'll get along just fine. Snooki has to explain that she meant the landscape. Vinny has to explain that geography is physical location, not physical appearance
Paffrath cues a package about how Italy made all the roommates hot messes. Highlights: Snooki working out in a way that Pauly thinks look like she's having sex with herself, the girls getting domestic, the guys losing their game, and The Situation making the decision to suddenly be a ninja (or should I consider it a calling?). Vinny quickly explains away the lack of game: Girls in Italy have morals and self-respect. Paffrath asks, "If you can't pay for cougars, hookers, or trannies, what's left for you?" Everyone in unison: "Pauly." Paffrath deems Sitch "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Situation" and wonders what was up with his sudden martial arts kick (literally). He says he was always on the defense but admits he did make amends with the wall after their run-in.
Already irritated with his roundabout, meaningless elocution, Snooki gets mouthy with Sitch. When he tells her to turn around and zip it, she says, "You don't tell me what to do." He snaps back, "I'm not gonna tell you what to do. You know exactly what to do. I've seen you do it." Oh shit. She calls him disgusting, and he wonders why she's jumping to the trash talk so soon. She calls him a bad friend, and he says, "We didn't even get to the part yet." I would make some sort of sexual metaphor about anticipation, but then I realized that this show is the equivalent of a one-minute man... something Sammi knows a little about. Snooki admits she's irritated that Sitch is seated so close to her, and he drives the innuendos into the ground, saying, "Well you weren't irritated when I was a little closer." Just in case we didn't get his drift the first 50 times. That Sitchy, he is generous of spirit and of insinuation.