Jersey Shore
Sharp Objects

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: F | Grade It Now!
Bait & Sitch

The next title card reads "BALLS," so lord only knows what's about to come our way... Ahhhh, it's literal balls, as Snooki and Sitch head back inside to play a good, old-fashioned game of ladder toss with lots of gratuitously heavy-handed innuendo. Though it starts off dreadfully boring, Sitch spices it up by proposing a wager: Whoever loses has to dress up as Lola the Vegas Prostitute Bunny for a full 15 minutes out in public. Oh, it's on! Sitch wins -- as if there were any other outcome. Give Snooki enough Ron Ron Juice, and she would have dressed up as Lola anyway. This is a person who's wearing a T-shirt that she has pulled down beneath her red satin bra just to chill out around the house in. The chance to drop a bunny head on top of that is a pleasure not a burden.

Ladies and gentleman of Karma, I now present to you... Lola! The prostibunny waddles in and basically nobody notices. Lola takes shots, she gets a little Jersey Turnpike action from JWOWW, she gets sandwiched between The Situation (in front) and Deena (in back). Snooki's 15 minutes finish, so Lola's head gets passed around to as many people as want a round with her. Sitch even does a tribute to Ronnie's Gumby ankles as Lola.

But Lola's not the only slut on the prowl tonight. Some girl struts up to Sitch and tells him in a number of ways (mostly literal) that she's DTF. Soon enough, they're triple kissing with another chick, and Sitch explains to us that he's "the hunter-gatherer of the group." In this case, mostly the gatherer. You can't really hunt an animal if she impales herself and lays herself at your feet. And she brings with her two more tricks, uh, I mean friends for Pauly and Vinny. With that, everyone decides to head home.

The Meatballs and Lola decide to go on a little side trip to the beach. I'm imagine this going to a very bad place, with Lola's head bobbing in the surf the next morning. Instead, it's a fairly mundane affair -- save for a slow-mo shot of Deena's mini-meatballs bouncing Baywatch-style -- and a policeman arrives to end the surfside merriment. He actually calls Snooki, Nicole -- such is the Seaside PD's familiarity with Snooki. Deena proves quite the spunky one, actually trying to pick up the cop while he's thisclose to arresting her. Even Snooki's all, "Deena, shut up."

Unfortunately for Skanky Skankerson and the Skeezer Sisters, this little diversion totally robbed them of their 15 minutes of fame. They've literally been smushed up and pushed out by the time the Meatballs arrive home. Hope it was worth it, DTF brigade!

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Jersey Shore




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