Jersey Shore
Sharp Objects

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
Bait & Sitch

The next morning, Snooki decides to solve her still-drunk early-onset hangover by consuming more booze. Maybe I did college wrong, but is "drinking it off" a thing? Apparently it is for Snooki! She ropes in Ronnie. They head out, sit down for their first shot, and then Snooki excuses herself. She has a surprise in mind for Ronnie -- she's going to buy the first mini-motorcycle she sees. Despite the fact that the thing is motorized, Ronnie pushes her down what seems like the entire length of the Boardwalk. Hey guys, you're doing it wrong! (That could apply to this scenario or, you know, life in general.) They do have one kind of funny run-in with some blurry-faced old man who I imagine looks like the father-in-law from The Descendants underneath the pixelation. At least he has the attitude to match. Ronnie accidentally swerves the bike and cuts him off. He tells them, "You're pulling right in front of me. Don't do that! Get off my lawn!" (Okay, I added that last part.) Snooki says genially, "Sorry, gramps!" Ronnie explains his fascination -- to everyone else, it's a mini-bike, but to Snooki, it's full-sized. It's the simple pleasures in life...

Bonus footage: Just as the gang is discussing (with plenty of editor-inserted flashbacks) how they always manage to sets grills and stovetops on fire, lo! A napkin takes light right in front of them. Point prove. And might I add, Time wasted?

Shore Store. JWOWW, Pauly, and Sitch report for their shift. Sitch basically spends the first half of the shift ordering dinner while Pauly parades around with "JERSEY GIRL" underwear hanging from the back of his pants. A little later, Pauly's stalker is in the building. JWOWW talks shit about how creepy she is for several minutes, all to no avail, so she decides to bring in the big guns and actually calls the girl over. She's curious because Vanessa is carrying a bag. Vanessa claims it's just a blanket, but she's acting really cagey. JWOWW thinks there's probably some chloroform, duct tape, a little rope/twine, and whatever you use to lure guidos away from their guardians (a bottle of J├Ąger and a can of spray tan?). Pauly thinks that he'll be "DJ Pauly Dead" by the end of the night Vanessa doesn't go away, and JWOWW finally is like, "Stop staring at my roommate like an obsessive psycho." Vanessa: "Have I been making it awkward?" She claims she has a boyfriend (only when JWOWW asks, though), and clams up when JWOWW follows up, "Who? Pauly?" Uhhhh... I stick by my original assessment that ol' Vanessa may not be all there.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7Next

Jersey Shore




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP