Jersey Shore
Situation Problems

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Knockin' the Dust Off

Previously: Basically, The Situation and Snooki both suck -- but Sitchy in a more metaphorical, pot-stirring way and Snooki in a more "on Vinny's junk" way.

We start with a replay of Vinny telling Snooki what exactly happened when she got blackout drunk and climbed into his bed. She realizes she can't lie to Jionni. She must tell him they had sex. Back on goes the pink sparkle cap of courage! She makes the call. Jionni is understandably angry after he just gave her a second chance on the understanding that she didn't bone some other guy (with whom she has an extensive, pathetic history) 15 minutes after they broke up. She uses her blackout as an excuse, promises it'll never happen again, and apologizes profusely. She fans herself as the tears stream down her face, wondering if they're still together.

Jionni doesn't know what to say. Hoping to shift her karma, Snooki flips her spangly baseball cap to the side. I swear, if you screengrabbed this mess right now you'd have no idea of the drama occurring. Then again, I guess you can say that for most moments on this show. I mean, look at these people. Back to Jionni, who says he can't, in good conscience, call her his girlfriend at this point. She just wants to make sure he doesn't move on to another person (like she did). He wonders how he'll ever get through it, and they hang up without a conclusion. Did I mention Vinny is sitting five feet away listening to this whole conversation? Awkward! Also, the last thing Jionni would want. He asks Snooki how things went, and she tells him they're going to work through it. He says mischievously, "Wanna cuddle?" Strike my last statement. That is the last thing Jionni would want.

The next morning, lovely operatic music plays as the gang greets the day. This includes Snooki screaming for medicine and Pauly honking the snot out of his nose. Point, counterpoint. Snooki asks Deena for a hug. Vinny happens to be in the room, and keeps the joke going: "Cuddle? I'll cuddle!" Snooki tells him instead to tell Pauly to have sex with Deena. Pauly is, in fact, in the room -- still holding a tissue his nose, which is now bleeding. Too much honking! Quoth Deena, "At this point, I'm like, 'Fuck it.' Me and Pauly should do sex." Vinny takes special pleasure in Deena's desperation and at Pauly's feeble Nice Guy attempts to squirm out from under her advances. Case in point, Deena notes that Snooki and JWOWW are both sick, so naturally she has to sleep in Pauly and Vinny's room. "And then me and you, we'll just do sex." Inarguable logic! She adds, "But I want to go harder than you did with that one girl." Just in case you worried that Pauly might be weakening under the constant assault, he assures us he's planning to bring home a girl tonight to dodge that bullet. "I'm not tryin' to have sex with Deena." Snooki might, though. At the mere mention of sex, she whines, "I'm horny now!"

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Jersey Shore

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