Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
In Which We Learn About the Communal Smush Room

As the rival factions head their separate ways, the rest of the guys head to the beach. They're enjoying the scenery and checking out the hotties when all of a sudden (cue Psycho music), close-up on a chick was a massive lip herp. Pauly shows that his standards are both exacting and hypocritical when he says, "There's nuttin' like a nice herpe to ruin tha pahty." MVP is off like a dress on prom night, despite the advances of Hattie Herp Lip and her idiot friends. I bet this is the one and only time the cameras caught these guys turning down anything DTF. And I do mean anything.

Sitch, Vinny, and Angelina report to work after SamRo 2.0's shift ends. Angelina takes the opportunity to talk up how much better a person she is from the prior year (since they had a full 48 hours to judge her character last time, pffffft). Sitch humors her, but she can't resist bringing up her faux feud with Vinny. Sitch acknowledges Vinny's not a fan, so Angelina's all, "Well, I don't like him either! Nah nah nah nah nah nah. He's ugly and smelly! So there!" Sitch just laughs at what a wench she is. What else can you do when there's a whole flood of crazy comin' atcha? Though he does facetiously tell her she's "perceptive" before commenting through her rampage to anyone in earshot that "she's on another level today." Awesome. Angelina steps to the front where some schmuck in a flashy three-piece suit strides in for some gelato. It's Angelina's semi-boyfriend Jose, and she's immediately all up his jock like a fly in honey. He brings her a watch, and Sitch comments that "the man should be smashed" for spending any amount of money on that hagbag.

That night, Sammi and Ronnie get ready for a dinner date, where I'm sure the night will be filled with sparkling conversation. Sammi and Ronnie agree they're not sick of each other -- never a better basis for a long-term relationship (that and infidelity!) -- and make a plan to smush later. Ronnie thinks all the trials they've face, all of which were of his own making I should add, have only brought them closer together.

Back at the house, JWOWW and Snooki head out for a relaxing night together as Vinny and Sitch chill in the hot tub together. Sammi and Ronnie return home, so Vinny checks with Sammi to make sure she's not mad at him. He wonders why he's the only person that can see the whole picture and recognize that Angelina's a double-crossing skank. Well, for starters Vinny because you're the only one with half a brain. These people were not cast from the Mensa applicant pool is all I'm saying. Sammi insists that she refuses to hang out with JWOWW and Snooki anymore because they're not "real." Vinny says Angelina's not "real" either, and Sammi's all, "Exactly." What? Vinny breaks it down that, while Angelina may not have physically written the note, she told the other girls what to put in it. Sammi walks inside processing that piece of information. With any luck and some serious advances in science, she might actually understand what just happened at some point in the next several decades. And then she'd still end up with Ronnie.

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Jersey Shore




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