Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
In Which We Learn About the Communal Smush Room

Inside, Angelina shows of her piddling gift to Pauly and brags about her cheesebag boyfriend stopping by work. Pauly lays down the rules of the game wherein gifts are presented in exchange for sexual services. Angelina says she doesn't want to let Jose "hit that," and the guys agree that he's getting played.

While they go out to dinner, the others head to a pool hall/game center. Sammi continues to brag about her whack fighting skills when in walk JWOWW and Snooki. Sammi seeks solace in Sitch's sister. JWOWW and Snooki ignore the shit out of her, which they should have been doing their entire lives. And then nothing happens. Well that was worth my time!

The next day, Sitch bids goodbye to Melissa. Inside, Sammi asks Angelina about her part in the note. Angelina insists she had no part in the note and claims she's Sammi's "realest" friend in the house. Sammi admits she doesn't trust Angelina as far as she can throw her but also acknowledges that she's pretty much destroyed all her other options. So Angelina it is! About as good a basis for friendship as her "I'm not sick of you" foundation for a relationship with Ronnie.

Elsewhere, Snooki and JWOWW bask on the beach and talk about the things they want to do in life. Snooki says she wants to go to a nude beach, but only as a spectator, and she wants to bungee jump. JWOWW says Snooki's bucket list is the kind of thing "only crazy white people do." Snooki ensures us all that she's not White, she's Tan. Literally, when she's filling out FAFSA forms and whatnot, she marks the "Other" ethnicity box and writes in "Tan." JWOWW says she's done this, too. I totally believe it. What's more, Snooki says she feels she's been penalized on job interviews for her outlying choice. For what jobs? you might ask. "It was at a tanning salon," reports Snooki. Man, this is some Spinning into Butter shit

That night, Sitch hopes that the housemates will get past their "high school/kindergarten/pre-school shit." Don't hold your breath, Sitchy! Vinny and Angelina happen to be in the same room, and they get into it immediately. Vinny wants her to own up to her shenanigans, and Angelina wants him to be as dumb and pliable as the others. Sammi, Pauly, and Sitch watch the following confrontation like it's the damn U.S. Open. Vinny takes things to the next level when he tells Angelina, who laughably considers herself the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, that she's more like the Rob Kardashian of Staten. Angelina retaliates that he's a "22-year-old fuckin' pussy." Vinny wins! Pauly is full-on bug-eyed at this point, it's worth mentioning. His hair may be motorcycle-proof, but his heart is sensitive to conflict. Vinny finally stops participating in the fight and lets Angelina wear herself down. It doesn't take long.

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Jersey Shore




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