Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
In Which We Learn About the Communal Smush Room

The next day, Pauly gives Angelina shit for not giving it up to her boyfriend. Outside, Sitch and Vinny acknowledge to Ronnie that Sammi gained some major street cred just by stepping up to JWOWW. The second Ronnie heads back inside, they agree that he's like MacGyver for escaping this situation with basically no consequences. I think it's less that Ronnie is resourceful and clever and more that Sammi is the dumbest fucking fuckwit that ever existed. It's a good thing she's pretty. Cue to intercut footage of Ronnie sexually harassing Sammi inside (literally shoving his crotch against the back of her head) while Sitch explains that Sammi got dogged, that Ronnie basically peed on her, and she took it with a smile. It's a masterful crosscut, the likes of which show that these editors are earning their pay. Back in the hot tub, Vinny and Sitch agree that Ronnie might as well keep up his cheatin' ways because he can't do any worse than he already has, and Sammi will keep taking it. Cut back to Ronnie thrusting his teeny weeny peeny at Sammi's head. Asks Sammi, "Where have you been all my life?" She's trying to be funny, but the joke's on her.

A bit later, the blender cranks up with a family-sized batch of Ron Ron Juice as the gang gets ready for da club. They arrive in style and Vinny immediately sets his sights on a girl that he thinks is the most beautiful trick he's seen in Miami so far. He moves in to work his game. He mentions the perfume she's wearing by name, saying it's his favorite. I'm suddenly seeing why Vinny is the secret weapon pimp of the house. (Of course, spoiler!, that's going to be tainted by episode's end.) The trick tells him she's a Hooters waitress. "She's a classy girl," Vinny assures us. Angelina watches jealously from the side, throwing the thumbs-down in their direction, and classifying Vinny's conquest as a grenade.

All the while, Snooki finds herself a Latin man to dance with. She decides to take this routine back to the house so he can, and I quote, "come over and... get it in." The whole gang decides to join them. Except Snooki's bad mojo returns with a vengeance. While Vinny is shakin' the sheets with his Hooters girl, Snooki's piece is foraging the kitchen for food. After he makes a six-course meal, they head to the bedroom to get it on. Did I mention that JWOWW is in the bed not six feet away? She summarizes the sexcapade, saying, "It would basically be, like, moaning... 'Oh, what's your last name?'... moaning... 'Do you have any kids?..." Cut to Snooki, in flagrante, asking Dennis (could there be a more horribly unsexy name for a Latin lovah?), "Do you like to cuddle?" and "How far do you live from here?" And Sammi doubts The WOWW's credibility? And yet JWOWW stays in the room, her only defense to stifle the laughter and intra-mouth vomiting.

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Jersey Shore




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