Jersey Shore
The Follow Game

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The Tri-Funk-Ta, or Meatball Walking

Previously: The Situation lost his marbles... well, technically they were hanging out of his unzipped pants. He went from confiding in Snooki to deciding she was plotting against him and calling to unleash the Unit on her. Meanwhile, JWOWW's relationship with Roger faltered.

We return in media res as Sitch called Unit to attack Snooki and Jionni like a starving hound. Alas, Unit would be in Miami. Sitch was obviously disappointed but rallied a little when he got to gossip like a teenage girl with Unit about his brother's hook-up with Deena's sister. They go back and forth about some sex act that is bleeped out and I am apparently too pristine of mind and soul to understand. Sorry for letting you readers down, but if you know what he's saying, well then shame on you! Wash your mind out with soap immediately. [Note: I used my Jersey girl powers to determine it was the slang word for "female ejaculation." -- RS.]

Speaking of people who could use a good washing, Snooki returns home from her vagina-doctor appointment, a.k.a. Father's Day Out. Also speaking of washing, the gang prepares to get ready for da club when Vinny tells Deena he's taking a dump. She's all, "Awesome, I'll come in to shower right after!" Appropriately, Deena is wearing a trucker hat that says "DIRTY" in graffiti text, and Pauly chimes in, "Go poop, and I'll clean that shit up for you." I know they're like family and all, but that is a little too open and honest for me. Maybe it's the uptight WASP in me, but I do not talk with my family about their bowel movements, and I certainly do not make plans specifically around (both physically and mentally) around them. Just me?

Downstairs, JWOWW is forlorn for the lack of Roger, and no amount of fresh-off-the-rack weave can console her. Upstairs, The Situation is snoring like the calf-high white sock-wearing old man he is. Snooki tries to wake him up to join them at da club, but he brushes her off and says he has a headache. (An excuse I'm sure he's heard many a time from former girlfriends.) Snooki interviews that this bullshit is exactly why nobody like ol' Sitch: Because he blows you off just when you're trying to be his friend. And maybe because he carries on entire conversations unaware that his dick is hanging out of his pants?

The kids head to Aztec, for which Vinny will not be serving as spokesman any time soon. He calls it a "sweat box" because "there's sweat and B.O. everywhere. I kind of feel like I'm back in Italy -- minus the arm pit hair." Add the Italian Tourism Board to organizations he'll never represent publicly. Regardless, the kids are having a good time. Snooki in particular (wearing a leopard print trucker hat and Yeti boots, it's worth noting... just because) demonstrates a fierce robot dance. JWOWW, however, is clearly not into it as she sways half-heartedly. She becomes the third roommate of the season (after Vinny and Sitchy) who is described as "in a funk" and, with that, the tri-funk-ta is complete! Snooki is annoyed that JWOWW is such a downer, but JWOWW soon rids her of this inconvenience by making an excuse about having work the next morning (like that would ever stop a guido from beating up the beat!) and leaves early.

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Jersey Shore

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