Jersey Shore
The Follow Game

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Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Tri-Funk-Ta, or Meatball Walking
target="_blank">#STUPiDFACEDD. (Yeah, I know I've linked to that before, but it's a classic, even without the dance-your-pants-off hilarity.)

On the Boardwalk, Pauly spots his stalker rockin' her airbrush "PAULY D" Italian flag trucker hat and "CABS ARE HERE!" customized shirt. He becomes concerned.

Back home, The Situation finally wakes up and is dispirited to find that everyone abandoned his ass. More accurately, he's dispirited that he's not in control. If the group goes out and he cut himself off, that's all good. If they take the power from him by not constantly talking (even if it's shit-talking), then he basically ceases to exist. Sitch is like the proverbial tree in the forest. Only more of an asshole. Once again he references how nice he's been (nice like showing his roommates his junk?) the "whole summer" (the whole summer like the last four or five non-continuous days?) and sets the others up to be blamed when "sooner or later" the bad guy in him comes out. Obviously no one has ever told Sitch he has a choice whether or not to be a shithead.

The Meatballs arrive home and, though it's dark, claim it's still early. Snooki invites Sitch to join them in going out, which confuses him because it doesn't conform with this utterly made-up vision of her as a villainess that he made up in his head about 24 hours ago. He decides to go with her, if only to forward his plans of her demise. As Snooki gets ready, JWOWW tearfully mopes about Roger's absentee boyfriend behavior. Snooki doesn't even look in her direction as she issues a dismissive, "Poopy, you'll be fine." Snooki has more important things to do than console her friend -- like murder her liver and spend hours of her life that she'll never get back with Sitch.

Elsewhere, Vinny and Pauly spend the evening playing a little cue ball and lobbing grenades at one another. Awesomely, Pauly's stalker is in the building yet again. Vinny: "We think she snuck a GPS system into Pauly's blowout." Of course he leaps at the chance to introduce Pauly and this Boardwalk goddess formally. To Pauly's credit, he does humor the girl (Vanessa, the same name as his sister!) for a few awkward moments before announcing, "I gotta go to the bathroom real bad!" and dipping out of there. He concedes, "It's fair to say Vinny won this battle, but he will not win the war!"

The Meatballs conclude their evening of dancing on bars and head back home in the cab with Sitch. As they issue him backhanded compliments ("Who would have known we could have fun with you?") and commend him for not being a shit stirrer, he interviews that he's currently keeping his friends close and his enemies closer. Sitch laughs along with the girls as they giddily cheer about being "Bodacious! Vivacious!" And that was the night Team Crazypants was born.

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Jersey Shore

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