Jersey Shore

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Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
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Sleeping with the Enemy

So Sammi wakes up. And so the beating around the bush begins. While drinking from a black Dixie cup ('cause Miami's sleek like that), she reminds Ronnie that he was an obnoxious prick that called her a word-that-rhymes-with-hunt the night before. Ronnie sits there, dull and dumb (as in unable to speak, but also thick as molasses) as usual. Sammi stares him down, unwilling to believe that he really doesn't remember what a jackass he made of himself. But also she's too weak and desperate for attention to push him for honesty. Commercials.

We return, it's worth mentioning, to an old-timey cinema reel with the first three letters "DEN." Now, I don't know about you, but I'm immediately thinking, "Deny, deny, deny" when I see that. And so the boys do. A bit later, the guys (minus Ronnie) rehash the night before, and The Situation mentions that it was Ronnie's first night out creeping. Of course Sammi hears this and pushes them (not Ronnie, mind you) to spill the dirt. They launch into cover-up mode for their bro and gloss over that he was just really drunk. "To say the least," adds Pauly wryly. Meanwhile all the guys are snickering visibly.

Sammi walks out irritated into the glaring sunlight, where Snooki appears from nowhere to tell her she needs a cocktail. Atta girl! To give you context of how ridiculous this is, the editors cut to Pauly taking a phone call for Angelina and telling the caller that she's still sleeping. These kids sleep late for sure, but it can't be more than one or two in the afternoon. But as they say, it's five o'clock somewhere.

Meanwhile, the guys go out for GTL. In the car, Ronnie insists he didn't do anything wrong. Still, he's worried that Angelina will start "a war." He strategizes with the bros how to best deal with the situation, and they agree that he should admit to dancing with other girls but leave out the three-way make out part. In short, "Deny, deny, deny." Basically, he's banking heavily on Sammi's deep distrust of Angelina. Which would be a pretty safe bet if you didn't take into account Sammi's general stupidity and ready to be drama-stricken over just about anything.

Elsewhere, Snooki, Sammi, and JWoWW hit up the tranny store for nighttime wear. As you do. As JWoWW freely admits, it's right in the wheelhouse of Filthy Couture. For her part, Snooki finds some blinged-out rapper video glasses evocative of Lil Jon's teefs. All in all, it's a waste of time. Bring on Snooki in the sombrero, bitches!

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Jersey Shore

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