Jersey Shore

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Mail Call-Out

Previously: Ronnie was an unbelievable jerk, and Snooki and JWoww took weeks to inform Sammi of this fact. Via an "anonymous" letter. That they haven't even used yet. By planting it in a piece of furniture that one of six people (besides Sammi and Ronnie) could access. Need I continue?

'Tis night at the Jersey Shore, a.k.a. North Beach, a.k.a. way less classy than South Beach... which is saying a lot. JWoww and Snooki tell Angelina about the so-called anonymous letter they've printed. Angelina, as usual, refuses to associate herself with anything unless she gets credit that she deems good. Snooki justifies that they're doing the right thing, which is a bit of a stretch considering how insistent they are on using an "anonymous" letter. And in case you needed a jacked-up thesis statement, look no further than Angelina, who claims she "don't know nothin' 'bout Ron." Bullshit and bad grammar unite!

Later that night, JWoww spends several minutes jamming her breasts together, only to have them fall back to the already-gravity defying place she paid Dr. Silicone to have them placed. That is all.

Eventually, she heads out with Snooki and Snooki's Gaga-meets-Kanye glasses. Did I mention last call is in 20 minutes? What have you people been doing all day?! It's Pride Week, so they hit up the gay bars where people can truly appreciate the unnatural curve of the Woww Twins.

Meanwhile, the guys are on the hunt for all ladies DTF.

Snooki and JWoww return to the house so Snooki can call Emilio, who is predictably dickish about Snooki's exploits, including but not limited to having fun with The Gays. Snooki regrets falling in love with such a tool bag and tells him never to call her again. As JWoww claps her approval, the phone rings, and Snooki hangs up for good.

Meanwhile, the guys are up to no good at Klutch. They find two good-looking girls to bring home and wonder how they are going to divide the spoils of war. Oh, but the plot thickens! Suddenly, they have another set of girls, one of whom is a hippopotamus! Life is hard on the Jersey-cum-Miami Shore, right? So they send the grenade-land mine combo to Vinny and Ronnie's room, all the while putting the hot chicks on the other side of the house. The reconvene to form a plan, which basically consists of hoping that the grenade will fall asleep. Would you believe it all works out? And the moral of the story is... LOW STANDARDS!

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Jersey Shore

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