JWOWW and Roger arrive home and head for the Smush Room. Pauly tells Vinny, "What's going to go upstairs is just gross." Unlike his almost nightly getting-it-in with a nameless string of human glory holes, love making is absolutely repulsive. Repulsive, I say!

In an epically ironic preemptive moment, Unit is arrested for public intoxication! It's like Snooki made a deal with the devil to dole a knife-twisting dose of "Suck it!" in which her foe would be felled by the very demons that plague her. Sitch is genuinely broken and mortified -- not for his drunk tank-bound friend, mind you, but for the fact that his dumbass plan has failed yet again. Sitch goes to bed to wait it out while Unit endures his police-supervised sobering-up. As he lies there, he decides to go rogue once and for all, turning Operation: Jionni Jump into a one-man affair (pun intended).

The next morning, while making calls to check up on Unit, the chance lands in Sitch's lap (just like Snooki's face, oh!) when Jionni wakes up and heads to the kitchen. With Snooki snoring in the next room, Sitch moves in for the kill: "It's my moment." They head out to the porch for a "private" conversation. He starts off by telling Jionni, "I'm just gonna, like, make this really quick and as painless as possible." Title card: "IT'S ON."

Next week: Sitch lays his cards on the table, Snooki grabs everything off the nearest table to throw at him, and the kids inexplicably go camping. Probably mainly so Sitch can light a massive, symbolic, compensatory bush fire.

Also worth noting, a preview aired for The Pauly D Project (starting March 29). It looks utterly boring. So boring I can barely pick out any salient details, except maybe that Pauly has a lot of fat friends. Still, I will totally watch.