Jersey Shore
The Truth Will Set You Free

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Vagina Mold, Truth Be Told

Vinny and Pauly head in to check out JWOWW's handiwork and are particularly grossed out by an oral sex candy she's tossed on the bed. Vinny admits defeat, claiming the plan didn't work because they're "outnumbered by couples." Unless they're counting Sitch and Paula in that equation, technically it's still 50-50. Then again, math is probably not a guido's strong suit. They look in a bag JWOWW left on the bed and see the vagina molding kit. Even as Vinny is claiming (in an interview) that JWOWW is turning the Smush Room into "an old age home" -- because apparently romantic gestures are for fogies -- Pauly is freaking out and admits, "I am scared of that!"

For her fancy night out with Roger, JWOWW puts on a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a draped hot pink shirt that is cut down to her belly button. It's vintage JWOWW and oh so elegant. She runs down to greet him, swinging open the door as he calls out, "Hi Monkey!" Okay, that's damn adorable. He evens it out by telling her, "Every time you answer the door, you look more naked than the last time." First off, I love the sentiment because it's such a concise encapsulation of JWOWW's life mission. But second, I'm not sure anything can beat the dress from two weeks ago. Roger heads up to the Smush Room to drop his stuff and is delighted by JWOWW's decor. When she points to his morning-after suite (the protein bar, Powerade, etc.), though, he does ask playfully, "Where's my Metamucil?"

Karma time! Vinny is wearing a plaid T-shirt with denim collar and pockets, plus white lace-less Converse, and pants rolled up past his ankles. So basically it's Shore-loween, and he's dressing as a hipster? I do not know what is going on. Pauly can't resist knocking on him: "Where's your tan, Vanilla Ice? Your sister was nice enough to give you her whole outfit -- shoes and all?" Ronnie chips in (much less amusingly), "Can I use your shirt as a barbecue mat?" They all agree that Vinny looks like a jerk. Again, isn't that kind of the point? How could Vinny actually be wearing this outfit for real? My brain is dripping out of my ears. Pauly gets another jab in: "Can we just call you 'Vurkel'?" And Roger issues the death blow, "I loved you in The Dukes of Hazzard."

A bit later, the attention turns to Deena's outfit. She's rocking her "bombshell bra" and a tight black dress. Everyone agrees on two things: 1) Deena looks hot and 2) Joey definitely doesn't want to date her. Deena doesn't try to argue with them, just weakly saying, "He calls..." Yeah. To arrange times to have sex with you. In the moments before the cabs arrive, Sitch is in final-stage planning as he hits up the confessional room. He says cockily, "It's been a little too calm lately. I'm gonna cause some drama, cause some action. 'Trouble' is my middle name!"

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Jersey Shore




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