Jersey Shore
The Truth Will Set You Free

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Vagina Mold, Truth Be Told

The gang arrives at Karma, where Snooki runs into Jionni's parents and invites them for a shot. Putting aside the fact that this is kind of weird, she says she's grateful that they still love her after her (literal) screw-up in Italy. Across the bar, Sitch finds Unit, who appears to have gotten a new Chinese symbol neck tattoo? Or maybe they just haven't shown it up close before. What I'm saying is, it's awful. I suppose I should be intrigued by this moment, but as The Situation whispers conspiratorially in Unit's ear, it's literally the same thing he has been saying in one form or another for the last 21 episodes of the show. Only to a tertiary jerk-off of a character who has worse hair, a wardrobe consisting solely of tank tops, and significantly less charisma. Did you think it was possible for someone to have less charisma than Ronnie?

Deena heads outside to find Joey and confronts him that he's vaguely hanging out with her "for the wrong reasons." He denies it, and she is more confused than ever. Sammi sees this going down and appoints herself Deena's protector

Sitch makes his way over to Snooki and the Jionnis. Snooki obligingly introduces Sitch to la famiglia while consciously avoiding any acknowledgment of Unit. With Jionni's family on the radar, Sitch claims things could get "too messy" and basically finds a reason to delay his diabolical (read: bullshit) plan -- AGAIN. It's only one of about a million ways in which this night is super-lame. Pauly and Vinny are surrounded by grenades, everyone is sweating like pigs, and did I mention Snooki is getting wasted with old people? Karma is not on its A-game.

Snooki starts agitating to leave the club. Sitch spots her and Jionni leaving and panics that his window is closing. They rush over to distract Jionni, who greets them like brothers. Snooki knows what's going on and continues to push for a swift exit while shooting Sitch daggers from her eyes. Sitch ineptly compares himself to a pitbull (which, kind of true if only for his looks) and ultimately decides to bring Unit back to the house to finally enact Operation: Jump Jionni.

Bonus footage: Wet T-shirt contest at the Shore Store! Danny is nothing if not professional -- also, pretty handy with a water balloon.

Shore House. Title card: "GO TIME." Which is kind of false advertising because we spend several minutes seeing Pauly and Vinny come up empty-handed while Deena tries and fails yet again to get a straight answer out of Joey. Whether he's genuinely offended by the accusation or just walking away from her to save himself the trouble of lying, I think we can all agree that his assessment of Deena as annoying is 100% correct -- specifically right now but also in general. After Deena chases Joey around the club nagging him for several minutes, she gives up and leaves, validated that she will have to once against take up residence on the corner of Victimhood Row and Lonelyheart Avenue. As she leaves, Joey watches her go with an impassive look on his face. I'm not sure if he cares or not, though his friend does counsel him, "Don't worry about her." Maybe he did care after all? Then again, not even I care at this point, so... moving on!

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Jersey Shore




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