Jersey Shore
Toxic Shots Syndrome

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DeAnn Welker: C- | Grade It Now!
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"There Aren’t That Many Class Acts In Seaside"

Previously on We All Grew Up And The Oompa Loompa Got Preggers: Snooki got pregnant and she hates Mike for telling her boyfriend they hooked up. Because he was totally lying. Except probably not. Also, Deena's lost her freaking mind. Mike's rehabbed. Vinny's celibate. Now: Snooki is packing up to move next door to her own apartment. Everyone acts like it's a big deal, but it really isn't. Pauly and JWOWW help her move and they sort of want to stay, basically because the place isn't disgusting. And, now, ladies and gentlemen, the brilliant JWOWW: "It's definitely insane to me that the girl who I met four years ago, who hooked up with every guy in the house, showed her cooka, peed on herself, pissed on me, is going to be responsible for another human being." Word. Pauly and JWOWW sit on the couch and wish they were pregnant. Snooki says her friends are welcome in the house, but no sluts, skanks or smoking. "You know, kind of like a pregnancy house." I mean, those are the basics of any good birth center.

Next door, Mike calls his sister, Melissa, to inform her (or us, I guess?) that he's going to get a shot that blocks opiates and pain-killers. He doesn't really want to get it, because it apparently hurts and is a reminder that he fucked up. But she reminds him that he and their family went through hell and back and really want him to stay clean. He says he's getting this shot for himself, but also to show others that he's serious about his sobriety and doesn't want to turn back. Am I the only one who thinks this might be a publicity stunt to get people to hate him less?

Duck phone. Deana calls her boyfriend, Chris, and whine-invites him to come over for dinner and sleep over. Instead of vomiting, he says he'll be there.

Mike gets home from the doctor and tells Vinny how bad it went: It feels like a steak knife was stabbed in his ass. So, basically, a shot. Get over it. Then he calls himself a serious trouper for going to work after this. Vinny interviews that he's going through all this with Mike, which he thinks is really cool. Vinny, Mike and Sam go to work. Danny cuts Mike no slack. But just like drunk/high Mike, this Mike is a lazy ass who tries to shirk responsibilities. Vinny: "Mike is the king about not working." He's a little bit worried about Mike because Danny's on his ass so bad today. That's a lot of ass pain for one day.

Deena gets ready for her date and Snooki tells us how happy she is that Deena found a great guy and is happy. They have what passes for a deep talk amongst Meatballs, all about how much they love their boyfriends and how Deena's skinny and Snooki feels like a whale. Glad the editors didn't get rid of that scene. We might have missed a shot of Deena's crazy big and white teeth (what did she do to make them look so crazy? Are they dentures?).

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Jersey Shore

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