Back at the Shore Store, Danny's still on Mike's ass, so Mike pouts and whines and eventually leaves. How does Danny make enough money to have this Jersey Shore gig? Did he just start out in the T-shirt and shore rental business and now he's a recurring reality star? I mean, that's not a bad business plan, really. Sign me up. I would love to be the guy who looks like a genius next to the idiots on a reality show. When Mike takes off, Vinny (the youngest and most mature person on this show) tells Danny that's not good for Mike. But Danny's basically like, "We're all adults here." Vinny follows Mike home to go check on him. He's worried that someone with a recent drug problem could go off the deep end at a situation like that. Mike's lying in his bed and Vinny just tells him not to get worked up. He says he's really not worth it for the Shore Store. "There are a lot of T-shirt stores out there, Bro. We'll get you a job at Baby Gap."
Deena's date. She feels like it's the beginning of their relationship again (as opposed to the NINE LONG MONTHS it's actually been?), and she thinks this date will be "very romantical" [sic]. They talk about how he likes her to fart in front of him, and he denies it. It's very weird. Does Deena remember there are actually cameras on her? Then she tells him she can't wait to cuddle.
Back at the house, Chris and Deena arrive about the time Mike makes plans to hang out with Paula. The guys give Chris a bad time about being too nice to Deena or something. Then Ron and Sam play Deena and Chris on the world's coolest beer pong table. Pauly and Vinny just sit there and watch, looking bored. But not as bored as me. Do we really have to live through an entire season of this? JWOWW and Mike deep-talk about Paula. He talks about why he won't admit Paula's his girlfriend. He does think she's pretty serious, but JWOWW says she's going to ask Paula if she's his girlfriend. Deena says Mike should wife Paula up, because "Let's be real. There aren't that many class acts in Seaside." Truth.
JWOWW asks Paula if she changed her Facebook status to make it official, but she says she has not. Mike interviews that he definitely cares about Paula and doesn't want to disrespect her, but he also doesn't want to be taken off the market. Spoken like a 40-year-old Guido, all right. JWOWW asks Paula if she loves Mike and she just smiles. Awww. Run, Paula! Don't stop until you can't smell the tanning oil. After a commercial -- did you die from suspense? -- she tells JWOWW that Mike will tell her when they're in a relationship. He says she has a romantic, girly point of view and she asks what's wrong with a little romance. He says he actually likes it. Then they go to bed and snuggle. Clearly, Mike's matured. Next morning, Deena and Chris wake up and kiss goodbye. And then she says she's sick and heads to work. Paula and Mike wake up, and he calls her a cab. He interviews that he needs to decide whether he's in a relationship because it's only a matter of time before he hurts her or she walks away. "And I don't want neither."