Jersey Shore
"Where Is My Boyfriend?"

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Meatball Meltdown

And that may happen differently than he thinks... or not at all. Long story short, Snooki hears the doorbell ring back home. She looks down on the street to find Sitchy's DTF last resort Brittany. Snooki knows she could tell the booty call to buzz off, but she thinks it would be more fun to stick her in Sitch's bed so that, when he comes home with another girl, he'll inadvertently cock block himself. Being on the wrong side of the law certainly has made Snooki ornery. I like it. While Sitch and the guys get cabs back home, Snooki subjects Brittany to a round in the confessional booth. Brittany slurs, "I like Mike because... he's different." Snooki chimes in, "He's different! He's really out there!" Brittany carries on, "He's... spontaneous..." Meanwhile Snooki is spinning her finger around by Brittany's ear to show that she's a crazy bitch. Brittany turns her head, and Snooki gives out the most adorable squeal and quickly lies, "I was just playing with your hair. So cute!" Hahaha. As Sitch makes his way home, Snooki lays it on thick, telling Brittany that Sitch said he wanted her to come over every day and send him flowers. She interviews that Brittany is "beyond crazy" and deems her "a wildebeest." What a little devil is our Snooki! She needs to tango with L'Uomo more often.

The other girls arrive home and are immediately in on the joke. They send Brittany to Sitch's bed -- which looks like something out of Seventeen magazine's room makeover section circa 1993 under the category of "Girly," BTW. By the time the guys finally arrive home, Brittany is drunkenly rolling around under The Situation's duvet. He brings the girl into his room, and Brittany pops out like the badger from Caddyshack, all mischievous and crazy-eyed. But also, wasted. Sitch is understandably at a loss for words, as is the Australian trick Sitch brought home -- especially when Brittany just up and takes off her shirt. Sitch sees which way this is trending and dismisses the Aussie for Brittany, who is clearly GAS (giĆ¹ a scopare). Arrivederci, bella! Ciao, brutta! Irritated that her prank has backfired, Snooki shouts angrily, "You're welcome, Mike! You fuckin' froot loop!"

The next day, Brittany takes her walk of shame out of the house -- barefoot no less, ugh -- while back upstairs Snooki is flipping out about Jionni's any-minute-now arrival. She tries on a million different outfits, then has JWOWW spray her with bronzer. Something tells me JWOWW has used the phrase "Spread your legs, I'm goin' in" many a time in the recent past. Snooki settles on a cobalt blue number that, ironically, makes her look like a cop -- but really the kind that knocks on the doors of bachelor parties -- with a gigantic sparkly cross hanging between her tatas. You know, to add that understated touch of elegance. Pauly admits that he, too, is nervous because a lot could go wrong considering Snooki's half-truths re: her hookups with Sitch and Deena. That doesn't stop him and Vinny from delighting in faking her out that the doorbell is ringing.

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Jersey Shore

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