Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A | Grade It Now!
Crunk & Disorderly

Inside, Pauly locks eyes with his Israeli stalker from last summer. He decides to take leave immediately but doesn't get out before she throws a drink on him. Luckily, Pauly's motorcycle-proof hair isn't compromised, and he laughs it off. He and Vinny take home some tricks. Vinny gets down to business, but Pauly's girl turns out not to be DTF, so he cuts his losses and goes to sleep. Meanwhile, Sitch brings home Paula and invites Ronnie to make some food. They prepare her a delicious meal of 32 turkey burgers since they froze together in the freezer. Paula is in the middle of her first turkey burger when Vinny finishes in the bedroom. His girl says she wants to meet a friend. He appreciates her efficiency and calls her a cab. And that was the best 14 minutes of her life!

Sitch takes Paula upstairs to get it in, leaving Vinny and Ronnie downstairs to polish off the bounty. Vinny explains that Ronnie has two laughs -- one that's soft like a little girl's and another that's "like a dolphin on steroids." Somehow, this is a positive to Vinny, who is glad to have single Ronnie back in the fold after all the bullshit he and Sammi have gone through.

The next day, Snooki uses a blanket as a poncho and walks her froggy slippers and her hung-over ass to work. She gets no sympathy from their boss Danny, especially when she asks him to funnel a beer with her at 10:30 in the morning. As Snooki gets caught making repeated attempts to sneak a beer out of the store refrigerator, Vinny interviews that her drinking is getting out of control. He says she's basically drunk starting at 11 a.m. every day. On one occasion, Snooki gets a sip in before Danny snatches her beer away. She says she'll do anything to get it back, even lick the carpet. "You don't think you have a problem?" he asks. "This is called rock bottom!" He may be laughing on the outside, but I suspect he's crying on the inside. Snooki then excuses herself to "get coffee" but instead goes to take shots at a nearby bar and nosh on some fried pickles. Danny finally comes to reclaim her from this mini-bender.

The minute her shift ends, Snooki takes the hot pink "SLUT" tank top she stole from the store and makes a beeline for the bar, where she teaches married, middle-aged tourists how to do body shots off of each other... and her. This is the point, Snooki later interviews, that things went fuzzy. A very hung-over Deena and JWOWW join the fracas and immediately notice that Snooki is bombed out of her mind. Perhaps it hit them when she fell off of a bike parked against a wall? They try to contain her, but she's fast and scrappy. She darts off for the beach, frantically asking people for directions as she passes, even though it's literally six inches away from her.

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Jersey Shore




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