Previously: I missed a real zinger! Thanks, DeAnn Welker, for suffering through Ronnie's anal probe and Snooki's irrefutable ASSeration that seawater is salty because of all the whale sperm. Yeah, I watched it anyway. We're all in this together, guys. Sing it with me now, "Get crazy, get wild! Get crazy, get wild! We're at the Jersey Shore, bitch!"

It's morning at the Shore. As such, it's another day, another shame spiral. Ronnie wakes up Sammi to tell her that her actions the night before were uncalled for and sickening. The Situation wants them to break up already and spare the rest of their repetitive melodrama. He tells Sammi -- who still claims they're together even though they fight all the time, gah! -- that it's never going to get better, particularly in light of their problems in Miami. She admits that Miami broke her. Ronnie overhears their conversation and gets angry with Sitch for playing both sides.

He relays Sitch's betrayal to Pauly and Deena later, telling them he's going to "put him in his place." Pauly tries to distract Ronnie by taking him to the boardwalk for some guy time, and Deena takes Sammi for a girls' day out... on the boardwalk. Idiots. I mean, I know these are not creative people and that there probably aren't a lot of options from the get-go, but couldn't they have thought of a plan that wouldn't inevitably mean bumping into each other? Nope. Apparently not. So, when the inevitable happens, Ronnie blows off Sammi, causing her to hallucinate that he was with another girl and decide to pick up another guy right then and there. All the while, Deena is loving having a gal pal with more game than Snooki.

The girls return home, arms full of stuffed animals and random guys' numbers. Ronnie announces to them, plus Pauly and Vinny, that he has a lot to discuss with The Situation. Despite his bleeding rectum, which I suspect was oozing the color of Hawaiian Punch, he mixes up a super-sized portion of Ron Ron Juice. Pauly worries Ronnie's going to "pop off." Sammi tries to chill him out, but it only makes him madder. As Sitch walks toward the door, Ronnie tells Sammi, "Sit down, get out your popcorn, and watch."