The next day (no club, boooooo!), Pauly wakes up everyone in his typical obnoxious way... only this time with more props! Vuvuzela, you've been replaced! The kids immediately realize they have no effing idea how to get around or communicate with the natives. As such, they decide to wing it. And the only people who can be their fearless leaders in the process (because they can operate a manual transmission)? Snooki and Pauly. Lord help us all. Even JWOWW is concerned. The housemates separate up by sex into their cars -- which are only slightly larger than Smart Cars and equally hilarious -- and, as you might expect, it's a comedy of errors. As someone who was recently in Spain, all I can say is, "Good luck, schmoes."

The girls quickly lose the guys and head back to the house. As they plot their next move, there's an altercation with the local picciones (pigeons). Quoth Deena, "I don't frickin' do birds. I don't do birds. Like, get off me."

Elsewhere, the guys have found a gym whose name appropriately translates to "The Tribe Goes Wild." And in that gym they found a Luigi, a.k.a. the guido Mr. Miyagi. They head home, where the girls are riled up like nobody's business. Snooki decides to get her workout on by doing pelvic thrusts on the house's chairs, rockin' her crunches, and walking up and down the stairs to the apartment. While Pauly notes that it "looks like she's having sex with herself," Vinny takes it to the naughty place by straddling her in only a towel. What a catch!

Night falls, and the gang is amped to go out. For the ladies, that means finding the only plug in the house that works (conveniently in the kitchen, ew) and frying their hair until the sun goes down. For the guys this means plotting their conquests. Specifically, Sitch thinks it's going to happen with Snooki. Like the "fetch" of La Maglia Riva. For his part, Ronnie is dubious. He has seen Snooki's dedication to Jionni and doesn't think The Situation's situation is a worthy trade-off. This coming from someone who was motor boating skags in a South Beach club... but we'll leave that alone.

The gang prepares to head out to da club, and Pauly uses the term "super-excited" for the second time this episode, rekindling my long-lost flame for that motorcycle-proof manz. When it comes time to order cabs, Vinny is the designated talker for the group, though his Italian is broken at best. Everyone is pumped (and they haven't even heard this song!). All the girls' outfits are deemed suitably inappropriate, including Deena's which Pauly calls "a blast in a bra" (uno scoppio in un reggiseno?). Vinny admits that Deena is a busty beauty but still insists that she's just one of the guys. I suspect there will be more on that later in the season. And finally, we learn that most important phrase of all: "Taxi sono qui!" Or as you uneducated Anglos would say, "Cabs are he-ah!"