Everyone gets ready to go out to da club. Snooki announces that she's going to get it in tonight and promptly meets a cheap Pauly imitation on the dance floor. She makes sure his last name ends in a vowel, then gets to grinding. Across the floor, Ronnie is also getting down to business. He leans in for a kiss with Sammi, and she lets him kiss her for about 10 seconds before dismissing him for being drunk. He says it doesn't matter and escorts her out the club so they can reignite the dysfunctional flame.

High jinx ensue as everyone walks home, including Snooki scraping her knee. Waaaaaaaah! Luckily, her second-rate Pauly is there to carry her home. On a more dramatic front, Sammi suddenly realizes that she was drunk enough to let Ronnie kiss her, and she starts to recoil. A good response. Surely a fluke. She asks Ronnie what she ever did to him. Which is a wildly valid question. He blames her for walking out on him. She wonders why he didn't chase her. And the kicker: He claims he loves her that much. That he was thinking of her and doing what was best for her. And also breaking her fucking glasses. Ack! Regardless, Sammi seems to buy into it -- as ever -- and agrees with him (and the rest of humanity), saying "I had to get away from you." And then he takes recovery for her recovery from her breakdown (that he caused). That Ronnie, he's a one-stop shop of fuuuuuuucked up.

The kids arrive home. While Sammi flees Ronnie as fast as humanly possible, Snooki lets Pauly Jr. attend to her wounds. He proves a good enough nurse that she hands him Crocadilly, with which to get it in. Because that is truly the best seduction line ever: "Lay the fuck down and lay with Crocadilly." Vinny doesn't know what sorts of plushy goodness he's missing, y'all. As they roll around in Snooki's bed, Sammi goes to sleep in the mattress on the floor of her room (because, if you'll recall, Ronnie fucking obliterated her bed frame). For some reason, she deems it "too soon" to return to a relationship with Ronnie. I wonder why... Maybe because he Tazmanian Deviled through your life for the last two years, the climax of which was a literal hurricane of destruction that happened, like, four days ago? She doesn't elaborate, so I guess we'll never know.