Previously: Deenamite came in with a bang. The Situation got stuck in the room with America's Worst Couple. Sammi carried on with her World Tour of Haggery. And the C-word was bandied about liberally. 'Cause we do it classy up in here.
We rejoin the fracas between Sammi and JWOWW in progress. Punches are thrown. Weaves are yanked from their tracks. Sums up JWOWW, "It's gonna be an interesting fuckin' summer." Snooki asks Ronnie why Sammi stays with him when he treats her like shit. Instead of recognizing what a legitimate, accurate question has just been posed, Sammi engages Snooki in a pissing contest over who's been a better friend. It's really a toss-up, if we're being honest, but for sheer hatred of Sammi, let's give it to Snickers. Sitch diffuses the madness even as Snooki tells Sammi she deserves better than Ronnie (she doesn't), that she's the biggest bitch she's ever met in her life (she is), and interviews that she's done with Sammi (hallelujah!).
SamRo 2.0 retreats to their corner, where he examines her battle wounds, while JWOWW joins Snooki and Deena on the roof deck to bitch about Sammi. Consensus: She's mean. Since Sammi doesn't have a girl to fight within arm's reach, she starts picking on Ronnie for who-knows-what reason. She smugly reminds us that it's her against the world -- a scenario that she envisioned and executed entirely by herself, mind you. I truly believe these girls would look past what a dumb hypocrite she is if she would simply stop acting like self-satisfied piss-ant for five friggin' seconds. SamRo 2.0 go to bed while Snooki & Co. make more drinks and wonder how they'll live with these jerk-offs for another day. I suspect this is how the rest of the summer will play out, with varying shades of black eyes incurred in between.
Cue "Snooki and Deena Drunk on the First Night" montage: Deena belches! Snooki curls up in a suitcase! The girls follow each other around in circles like little drunken ducks! Deena falls head-first out of a hammock!
The next morning, Sitch wakes up the housemates and tries to convince SamRo 2.0 to act like human beings for a split-second. All he gets back is a shitty attitude from Ronnie, and he admits his attempt at diplomacy went over like a lead balloon. When all else fails... GTL! The guys (and Sammi) head to the gym while the ladies mock Sammi for being Ronnie's shadow as they head to the tanning salon.