The ladies head back home, where JWOWW has a frustrating conversation with her boyfriend Tommy. Amidst Snooki's pleading for her to get off the phone, she grows irritated that he's not sad enough that she lost a dinky gold bangle. The joke's on JWOWW when Tommy reminds her that today was their anniversary, then hangs up on her. She immediately recognizes what an a-hole she is before taking it out on the duck phone. And just like that, another hate crime against duck phones goes unpunished.

Back at da club, Deena assists their guys in seeking out the best DTF girls of the night. Somehow, the guys end up at home with only one girl to share between Sitch and Vinny. As Sitch readies himself for some threesome action, Vinny takes the opportunity to head into the smush room and lock the door. Ha! Short of making a sandwich and watching, Sitch does his very best to cock-block the Vinster, all to no avail. Deena and Snooki call him downstairs, where he gives them the lowdown. Assuming there's a grenade in the mix, they ask who he's stuck with. He tells them he's stuck with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. See! Always a sandwich! Deena chimes in, "Or me." Sitch laughs and coldly tells her, "I'm all right." I suspect that would hurt a lot more if she were less drunk. I mean, this man has low standards, so imagine if you didn't measure up to them after several vodka-Red Bulls. Like, wow. Forget Hamlet, that's some tragedy.

The next morning, Sammi, Ronnie and her stank face go to church. Meanwhile, Deena pulls a pretty awesome fake-out by forcing Snooki to wake up by telling her it's 3 p.m., even though it's really noon. Snooki seriously considers heading back for her late afternoon beauty sleep but instead decides to share a ciggy with Sitchy up on the roof. Sitch is all fired up that SamRo 2.0 took one of the cars without checking whether the roommates needed it. He vows to reprimand them when they get home, and they all pile into the remaining car (a suburban, mind you) to head off to the gym and the tanning salon. As such, Snooki's plan to lay out and drink are thwarted. Hard times all around!